Technical Foul

Look, you gotta understand
It's just been me and Eleanore for 67 years
So she gets nervous around strangers
I wouldn't show that picture to anyone
Or they might try to take you two guys back to the laboratory
Huh?
Listen, we got rules in this house, and you better follow them
Or you'll find yourself outta here
Yeah, yeah, yeah
This might be harder than I thought

If you're come in from the street
With dirty shoes on your feet
That's a technical foul
If you switch the radio
To some modern music show
That's a technical foul

If you don't shut the door
After using the 'frigerator
That's a technical foul
A technical foul

If you touch the thermostat
You'll get hit with a bat
'Cause that's a technical foul
(You will feel my wrath)
If your hair clogs the drain
You'll know the meaning of pain
'Cause that's a technical foul
(I'll show you no mercy)

Oh, this is such bullshit-a (hey)
In this house we say bullspit
Or it's a technical foul
A technical foul

Let me get this straight
You expect me to change my entire lifestyle in one night
Because you guys are a couple of psychotic control freaks?
You got it, bub
Or you can go rot in the gutter, it's up to you, Yankee Doodle
Well, I don't wanna do that
But let me run a few questions by you so I don't screw up accidentally

If I don't spray Lysol after moving a bowel
That's a technical foul
Okay, if I decide to wash my ass with your monogram towel
That's a technical foul (please say hiney)

If I make fun of your crazy feeties
Or give sugar cookies to Miss Diabetes
That's not only a technical foul, but possibly a homicide

Can I sleep past three?
If you do, you'll get a T
Take a whiz in those flowers?
I'll say hit the showers
Use this horn as a bong?
Adios, Tommy Chong
Make some long distance calls?
You'll get a kick in the balls, oops

Can I walk around with my morning erection?
If you want an automatic ejection
'Cause that's a technical foul
But I'd like to see it anyway, just kidding

There are certain rules which apply in one's life
With your sister, friends, or imaginary wife

I can't believe I haven't killed myself (respect carries over beyond the court)
Here with Wigs McGee and a furry elf (whether you're Jewish, Diabetic or especially short)
She's neurotic and he's a tool (my feet are strange and my groin is hairy)
How did I get stuck in this shit hole? (My imaginary wife likes to be called "Mary")
Guess I'll have to deal with your demands (why, oh why)
But please don't touch me with your alien hands (won't someone retrieve my wig, wig, wig)

I got no right to growl
The whistle, she's on the prowl
Without my wig, I look like an owl, hoo hoo
Oh my God
Don't laugh at her
Or it's a technical foul
A technical foul
A technical foul