(I Don’t Like Your) Country Music

[Intro (spoken)]
Now here's a little somethin'
For all you country lovin' boys and girls out there
It's sure to get your cotton pickin' boots a-tappin'
Shyeeha! Ha

You know, when I was just a little bitty boy
My old grandpappy used to sit me high up on his shoulders
And jig-a-jig the night away with this little old song

And that's how come
I got bow legs
And a big bum

[Chorus]
I don't like your country music
I'm gonna have to refuse it
This goddamn noise is borin' me to tears

I get a headache when I hear it
I can't stand bein' anywhere near it
It's been the goddamn same
For years and years

[Verse 1]
Well, I'll take a banjolin
And I'll wipe away your grin
I'll bring the goddamn thing down
On your head

But if that don't do thе trick
I'll take your fiddlin' stick
And stick the darn thing
Somewhеre else instead

[Verse 2]
With your steel guitar
You think you're goin' far
But there ain't no distance
Far enough from me

So, take it 'round the back
Of someone else's shack
Or I'll break its back
Across my goldurn knee

[Chorus]
I don't like your country music
I'm gonna have to refuse it
This goddamn noise is borin' me to tears

I get a headache when I hear it
I can't stand bein' anywhere near it
It's been the goddamn same
For years and years

[Bridge]
I need a quiet drink
But I can't hear my damn self think
For that cotton pickin' banjo's runnin' wild

And on the radio
All I heard was "do-si-do"
Till I kicked the do-si-doin' thing outside

Yeeha!
And stay out!

[Verse 3]
There ain't no sleep in bed
It's still ringin' in my head
This goddamn noise will see me to my grave

An' carved upon my stone
When I'm finally alone
Will be: "A little goddamn peace was all he craved"

Oh, it's so nice but it's st—
Hey, you guys, don't start again
Please! What are ya? Some kinda lunatics?
Pack it in! Pack it in, you guys, I told ya!

[Chorus]
I don't like your country music
I'm gonna have to refuse it
This goddamn noise is borin' me to tears

I get a headache when I hear it
I can't stand bein' anywhere near it
It's been the goddamn same
For years and years

[Outro (spoken)]
Gimme that banjolin, you
I'll show you
Hey! Look at that! Look at me! I'm playin' it!
I—I got it goin', look at that!
I'm really movin' now, man! Woo!
It sure do make your fingers warm! Ha!
It sure do make 'em look—
Hey! Hey, my fingers are smokin'!
I got smoky fingers, Dixie!
Get some water, boy!
I'm on fire! Help! Help!