The Worst Beer I Ever Had

After working all day I head to the bar
My friends are all there and oh, how witty they are
We talk of the events of the day
Until we invariably say

GROUP: How dare you treat us this way
(Spittoon sound effect)

This is the worst beer that I've ever had
The worst beer that I've ever had
It's so abominably bad it would make a gay man sad
It's the worst beer that I've ever had

I've traveled all over the world
I've sipped a porter in every port of call
I've had Sapporo in Japan, that strange exotic land
Served in a chilled bottle or a can

I've had Red Stripe in the Jamaican sun
Served alone or with a jug of white rum
I've had the Pilsner Urquell brewed in a former communist hell
But this stuff's not fit for a bum

I've imbibed a Newcastle Brown
It's the only way to bear that old town
I've had Fosters down under that would make an abo chunder
And tie his kangaroo down

In Ireland the Guinness is stout
They say it's the cure for the gout
By the holy dad, are you congenitally mad?
This is the worst beer that I've ever had

This is the worst beer that I've ever had
The worst beer that I've ever had
It's so abominably bad it would make a gay man sad
It's the worst beer that I've ever had

(Spoken)
BUSTER: America's favorite talking drummer, Tony Machine!
GROUP: Look at that caveman go!

(Singing)
Beer comes in all forms and sorts
Six packs, barrels and quarts
You've got your Pilsner, your lager, your hearty old ale
By comparison, this stuff fails!

In Milwaukee I once took the tour
I fancied myself quite the connoisseur
Until the tour guide, he said, "I think you're ready for bed"
I said, "good man, I've only had four"

GROUP: Four beers
BUSTER: Look who's talking
GROUP: Ave Maria

In Texas the lone star is cool
And cowboys ain't nobody's fools
And they get off of their horse and drink with such force
They eventually fall off of their stools

This is the worst beer that I've ever had
The worst beer that I've ever had
By the holy dad, are you congenitally mad?
This is the worst beer that I've ever had

California is sunny and fine (Fer sure)
But they're obsessed with domestic white wine
The denizens, I fear, won't drink enough beer
But I really can't blame them this time

This is the worst beer that I've ever had
The worst beer that I've ever had
It's so abominably bad it would make a gay man sad
It's the worst beer that I've ever had

Sing hearty (The worst beer that I've ever had)
Sing lustily (The worst beer that I've ever had)
Has the Orwellian prophecy finally come to this
Have they actually got us drinking...(Schlitz?)
(Spoken) I don't do blue

This is the worst
Unequivocably
Indisputably
Irrevocably the worst
Beer that I've ever
GROUP: Had!
BUSTER: Sweet Adeline!