Sleep

If I'd had know that from the minute I was born
That the price of my existence
Would be the weight of expectation
Then I wouldn't fucking be here
How can I focus on the life I'm "supposed to lead"
When everyday I struggle with existing?

I've dug a hole so deep in my mind that I can no longer see
The light of the sun, and I can no longer hear the voices
Of people I love

And I've been breaking my hands
Trying to carry the burden
That I've placed on myself
I'm so afraid of the end
I've lead myself to believe
I may never be happy again

I think the hardest part of all
Is trying to justify self-deprecation when I am
Constantly surrounded by sources
Of love and affection
I know that I'm not on my own
But I can't shake the feeling
That I'm in this alone
There's no one that I feel safe with

All I've wanted for so long
Is to succumb to a sleep
That I am not afraid of

Give me the strength to love myself
As I am told that I am loved
May I believe, despite my doubt
That someday I'll be good enough

Hindsight is a miserable thing
When you don't know where you're going
And you don't care where you've been