Bitch, Please!

So many times, you told me I am the One
And I believed your love-bombing for fear of staying alone
So many times, I would be dreading a backstab
Bitch, please! I’d be the one setting myself up for that kinda crap
So many eyes. Bits of heaven scattered among animals
And beasts, I wasn’t the least of them. I never realized
So many lies. The sick share of betrayal on a trail
Of loneliness in a love-sabotaging paradise

So many lips. Abandonment scars within
Creeping under slutty makeup and crawling under the skin
So many hands. Acting cool like I’m Jezebel
Accepting the unacceptable becoming more expendable
So many nights. The numbing out through self-negligence
Riding the carousel through dissociative emptiness
The dark bitch inside, a validation-seeking
Masochistic sex slave codependent parasite

Easy to be a victim
In an abusive system
But it’s not bona fide
The dark bitch knows it inside and laughs
I’ve been the self-indulgent
Pleaser who got divergent
But I have to admit
The bitch inside got a kick out of

Being a savior no one ever asked for
A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore
The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known
A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no”
The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick
Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak
The bitch is a fatalist cynical whore
And I have been her, she’s not me anymore

So many times, I checked my heart for some hope
But there was nothing but anger and pain at the end of the rope
Lost in the skies, I felt like I wanted to scream
Unrealistic expectations, depressed and foggy within
So many eyes. I pondered who’d be the last
Meanwhile, I didn’t see a future and kept reliving the past
So many lies. I should’ve known it’s really nothing new
Just coping and coping unable to see it all through

I didn’t need to run and rinse and repeat
The same vicious cycle pulling the rug from under my feet
I didn’t want to be a mistress or goddess
For a white knight in a semi-open-fuckship with a bonus
I thought I’d drowned the past, the pain and neglect
‘Cause I was trying and trying, and trying, trying to forget
The dark bitch inside would laugh and flip the script
Self-defeating choices, stuck with fucked up guys, then left behind

Easy to be a victim
In an abusive system
But it’s not bona fide
The dark bitch knows it inside and laughs
I’ve been the self-indulgent
Pleaser who got divergent
But I have to admit
The bitch inside got a kick out of

Being a savior no one ever asked for
A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore
The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known
A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no”
The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick
Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak
The bitch is a fatalist cynical whore
And I have been her, she’s not me anymore

Dead and gone
And I have been her
Dead and gone
She’s not me anymore
Dead and gone
And I have been her
Dead and gone
She’s not me anymore

Dead and gone
I have to admit I’ve been her
Dead and gone
But she’s not me anymore
Dead and gone
I used to love being her
Dead and gone
She’s not me anymore

I have been a savior no one ever asked for
A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore
The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known
A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no”
The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick
Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak
The bitch was a self-loathing cynical whore
And I have been her, she’s not me anymore

I have been a savior no one ever asked for
A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore
The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known
A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no”
The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick
Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak
The bitch was a fatalist cynical whore
And I have been her, she’s not me anymore

Shame, pain
It seemed like there’s no way out
For the fatalist cynical pessimist clinical dark suicidal self-loathing whore
Shame, pain
Shame, pain
The only way is through the darkness
Save the child and escape the madness

Shame, pain
It seemed like there’s no way out
For the fatalist cynical pessimist clinical dark suicidal self-loathing whore
Shame, pain
Shame, pain
That bitch was a child with nothing to live for
And I have been her but not anymore