The Walking Winded

Cut back my smoking
From too much to a lot
Downsized my drinking
To exclusively shots
And I can still sleep through a firing squad
Thank God there's no reason to get up

And I canceled all my plans
So I'd have more time
To make plans I can cancel
Somewhere down the line
When I look up from the TV and 10 years have gone by
I'm still magnificently fucked

I've resolved to never make another resolution
I've proven the pointlessness of self-improvement
It's a never-ending exercise in futility
And I'm fucking winded

Well I never feel good but right now I don't feel well
The only difference between the two is this time you can tell
Just by looking at me
And you're looking at me like I look like hell

Well believe me, I believe you, I have seen it for myself
Black bags are carrying my eyeballs
Like dead bodies from motels
And you'd be hard-pressed to identify my body to the cops
Without the help
Of DNA
It's hard to say how far I fell
But safe to assume I no longer have my health

I've resolved to never make another resolution
I've proven the pointlessness of self-improvement
It's a million mile marathon straight off the edge
And I'm fucking sprinting

Well supposedly it's better to burn out than fade away
But no one ever talks about spending your life engulfed in flames
Or just smoldering and smoking in a dirty bar ashtray
Until someone stamps you out

And I can tell you what it feels like if you are a masochist
It's similar to being smothered under 20 tons of bricks
It's a monument to just how bad these last few years have been here
Since you left
Fairweather friend you almost made it to the end
If you're my better half then I'm better off dead

I've resolved to never make another resolution
I've proven the pointlessness of self-improvement
It's a battle to the death between the devil and me
And he's fucking winning