Tune Into the Madness

Good evening, do you know any good monsters?
Did you ever swerve your car
At today's top speed
Of thirty-five miles an hour
Into an automobile?
Do you ever do the dishes for
Your wife? I should say not
Mrs carter doesn't really mind
Washing her teflon-coated pans
New, vital and fashionable
Fond of children? Well, it's only natural
Yes, you can't get away from it
There are branches everywhere
And it's safe? Yes, sir

Deep down, down between the trees
Nestled in the lеaves, gleams a TV screen
Near a small lad sitting in thе tall grass
It's an odd transmission to be broadcast
Listen as we talk dark thoughts and soar past
The watershed line before your bedtime
You'll panic like a rabbit that
Is caught in headlights
Reckon we're manic? Of course
You're dead right
You better exercise more caution next time
Or you'll end up in
Tomorrow morning's headlines
Obituary, nothing more than "born
And then died"
And not a single family member
Or a friend cried

Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness once more
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness, encore

This remarkable offer
The first and only one of it's kind
Delicious, nutritious breakfast cereals
Shot from guns yes, sir! You could buy
Eight additional teaspoons

Oh, look who's come for tea
Are you sitting comfortably?
All of the children better sit still then
‘Cause when little kiddies fidget
Then I kill them class is now in session
Time you learned your lesson
Stare into the glare until
Your mind is effervescent
Bubbling the troubling
You'll find it less depressing
Open up your eyes
You'll be surprised what you might let in
The violent and the tragic
Hiding in the static this silent
Enigmatic child had better pack it in
And leave the schedule to the grown-ups
Revel in the pestilence Auntie Beeb throws up

As a result of long continuing
Results in commercial explosives
Pepsodent's new
Improved formula cleans teeth
Whiter than ever mhm, it certainly does

Tune into the madness
Pictures handpicked to be sickening, queasy
Tune into the madness
Transfixed and bewitched by the flickering TV

Up, hold up, don't touch that dial
Look at our isle of muck and bile
With a saviour clad in a paper bag
That must be one ugly child
Gaze into the space between the
Pixels on the screen
There, you'll see a place between
The signal and the screams
Feel the oscillation of the
Crystal in your dreams
Just switch off your brain and let
It sizzle in the beams these scenes
Some viewers may find disturbing
Violent and unnerving, frighteningly alluring
Slightly stomach churning
Why would you be turning over?
Oh, so many programs for discerning viewers
Who are just like you
Eyes locked to the box for
The schlock like glue
Shambling in their droves
Scrambling their lobes
Get mangled in the strobe
‘til you're cross-eyed too

Here's a message to millions of people
Who are continually pale and washed out
Weak and run down
All I do is bring you pounds
And pounds of baby food
Good, lean butcher's steak
Very satisfying cake
Impress this fact upon mother
Boys and girls have overactive oil glands
Don't say it like that! You'll
Make her sound ungainly

Tune into the madness
Tubes swimming with miasmic blackness
Tune into the madness
Sit glued to your viewing apparatus

Izzy, wizzy, let's get busy
Such a pity diddy kiddies threw a tizzy
Don't be silly, what's the trouble
Little Timmy?
Itty-bitty nippers should be giddy for the TV
Strange lights are disguised in
The bright glare
Daytime television's hellish in
The right mindset
Too much time staring'll make
Your eyes square
Any more, you'll end up like that child there
Can't toggle off the gogglebox so
Pop another bottle top top up your cup and
Sup the propaganda, prost, mazel tov
They say it's challenging to
Break a daily habit pacified into paralysis
A state of telly addicts maybe one day
The cathode rays will be chromatic
Bringing colour to the pallor of
The faces in the static
Taking off the mask, my behaviour is erratic
Claiming to be sane but I'm just asymptomatic
Wait, did you hear that? Someone's
Pacing in the attic
What in the blazes could be
Making such a racket?
Ooh, I say, you gave me a fright there
I think I'm having another little nightmare

Tune into the madness
Urchins channel-surfing and subservient
To the sadness zoom in with the cameras
Squirming as the sermon's stirred
Into your hippocampus

Cream
Not a soap, not a liquid but a dainty cream
It covers everything easily and beautifully
And what an eyeful they're going to get
Mhm! Mhm-hm

Feast your eyes 'til you're anaesthetised
Lead a peaceful life for the cheapest price
No need to seek advice or
Plea to Jesus Christ in the deep of night
You'll really see the light
No one observes just how ominous
The world is when monotonous
Channelling the brightest minds
Until they turn witless and ponderous
Their alertness is interred in
This infernalest sarcophagus
The absurd and the preposterous
Burned in by the phosphorus
Uncertain what lurks under the
Surface of your consciousness?
Observe it and you'll learn
That it's perturbing sick and monstrous
Keep surfing through diversions
Uma Therman's new detergent
Normal service will return after a
Word from our sponsors

Ladies, what's your problem?
Gracious! I've nothing for the Johnson's yet
Keep calm, folks
Buy the gifts that will look
More expensive than they are
Two-hundred different formulations
Of dynamite
So powerful that it'll kill a rat
Press this secret button right here
And an authentic western pistol
Pops out and fires

Tune into the madness
A bountiful lineup of schooling and comedy
Huge wins at the Baftas
Bound to be prizes when you're every nominee
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness, once more
Tune into the madness
Tune into the madness, encore

No guest is ever really happy without
The right kind of tea
Well don't keep staring at it, taste it
Getting high on life could be habit-forming
You just can't grow up fast enough, can you?