UK State of Mind

[Intro]
YES!
Great…drumming…sample. I think it's time to move on to the next part of the song now, the --t-t-the…bring some bass -- bass it. Bass. Oooh. Oooh! Makin' me feel a bit wobbly! OK now, bring the filter up a little bit so we can hear some more of the piano sound…and I think that'll be great for a…a bit of rapping!
Uh!

[Verse 1]
Rappers I'm binning because I like to keep the streets clean
I'm really healthy cause my mommy made me eat greens
I'm like Popeye, nomming spinach and cursin'
The difference is when I'm finished my Olive Oil isn't virgin!
Hey, who on Earth's this British kid emergin'
From the murky depths of the web like a little critter lurkin'?
I've been observing from a distance -- I don't tread streets
But I'm controlling every block in all my spreadsheets
I'm your favorite rapper's favorite rapper's stalker
No need to hustle, I get paid vacations in Majorca
I'm an Ewok, the rap scene's a chicken walker!
I like my vindaloo, you've never had a chicken korma
Will an American even get that? I'm not hopeful
Indian cuisine options over there are woeful
Baltis are from Birmingham, I recommend you hop along --
If you're lucky, you might get some complimentary poppadoms
I couldn't even count the times that I've been offered one
I've been observing the game like a soccer mom
So I know who's deserving the fame and earning a name for burning the flame and who just blatantly is not the one
A lot of you are hating me because I dropped a bomb
To demonstrate the feeling of a blatant geek having just fucked your mom
I'll invade your scene full speed spitting and running, leaving you praying, screaming, "The British are coming!"
Rap's pickled onion -- bitter with a little honey, and
Spread it -- with that Philadelphia it's always sunny in
For every fan of yours I've got a awkward dork in a fedora that's willing to blow your bloody doors off!
I adore my fanbase, I'd give 'em all a handshake
But I'm quite keen on hygiene, and I've seen some hands, mate
That aren't in any damn state to even grab the handbrake
While rolling down a San Francisco route during a damn quake!
I've hit the front of DatPiff like a fricken' ram-raid
And taken advantage of my privilege as if it's gang rape
"Dan, mate, there's certain things you can and can't say!"
I'm tempted to become an MRA with all this man-hate
I'm scared to talk to women…it makes my hand shake!
I stay away inside my shell and then I miss the clam bake
I never flirt, cause flirtin' is the cousin of the sex
And I get nervous at the mention of it…God, I miss my ex

[Hook]
(York State of Mind)
(York State of Mind)

[Verse 2]
I dream that I'm a gangsta, mastermind, breaking out of Shawshank
Then I wake up and I'm just lying there in my Asda George pants
By the way, where I'm from, 'pants' means underwear
And I'll bet ya didn't know that, cause you don't come from there
And what's Asda? Come on, tell me what you think it is
No answer? Duh! It's Wal*Mart for the British-s!
Fuck grammar! Man, I'm the viciousestest British lyricist to rip literature to bits!
What country did your language come from? Isn't that telling?
Cause too many of you like British spelling
Can you believe that this is selling?
That I can rap anything I want, broccoli -- and people buy the track
I seem to have devised a knack to write the raps
That straddle the fine line either side of crap and tight as craps
I'll wreck the record like a vinyl scratch
Make your mind collapse like a building
Into which an airline flight has crashed
Oh. Have I just overstepped a line? I might just dash;
I think that the game that I'm downloading from online has patched
65 gigabytes, look at the size of that!
I'm going to need to delete some of my private stash
I spend my rap money on fibre-optic broadband
And LiveJasmin passes to catch up with your nan!
Now consequently I've got a very sore hand
So everybody, all together now: "Poor Dan!"
I'm taking rappers to a new plateau
And topping them in an extravagant fashion: gateau!
So you can reach for your biscuits, bitch please!
I'll reach for my biscuits -- Rich Teas
Come 'ere, gimme a hug, let's have a big squeeze!
I'm not letting go until I'm ready, you dick tease
I'm acting queer, and rappers react with fear
But I don't believe their distaste is that sincere
Pull off the hypermasculine mask and see
Another fragile human being who knows that feeling to collapse in tears
I've got throwaway lines enough to last for years
No limit, you already passed it like Master Piers

[outro]
(York State of Mind)
Most rappers aren’t as good as me. That's not even a quote. That's a fact. I got it from Wikipedia
(York State of Mind)
Right. Right, I think we'll…we'll fade out for a bit, then move on to the next track
[fade out]