He Never Came Back

I went into a restaurant as hungry as a bear,
And like a raving maniac I grabbed the bill of fare
The waiter said "what will you have," "give me a steak" I say
He took my order 'bout his head and slowly walked away
And he never came back, he never came back,
Though I waited an hour or more
Oh his face I will break, if he don't bring that steak,
When we meet on that beautiful shore

A jay who lived down on the farm came into see the town,
Registered at Smith's hotel as Mr Hayseed Brown
A jay he was so y'all admit with whiskers green as grass,
Pulled off his shoes jumped into bed and then blew out the gas
And he never came back, he never came back,
And as they broke down the door,
Oh the last words he said, just before he dropped dead,
Were "we'll meet on that beautiful shore"

I went into a circus show, I took my mother in law
She laughed at everything she saw 'til she nearly broke her jaw
Nearby I saw a big balloon which proved to be my friend
I threw her in, I cut the rope, and up she did ascend
And she never came back, she never came back,
Though we waited for six days or more
Oh, there's one thing I know, I will go down below,
If we meet on that beautiful shore