real life

There's something blocking me and I don't know what it is
I'm not the type to try and reach out for help
So I'm writing bars, write away the pain as they say
All the wrongs and the rights plague in my head everyday
Everyday that I wake, I feel less of myself
I've come so far so long, I still don't feel whole
What could be wrong? How can I go and get it gone?
I want to light up my world but I know there's no light for me here
So whats my resolve? My resolution?
Thoughts into words, feelings to bars
I feel like a shell of who I was
I lost all of my love for a heart that grown so cold and hard
And these winter months, they make me reflect a lot
Reflect on choices, reflect on things I've done and I lost
Yeah, I achieved goals, grown more and more
But I've sacrificed a lot that I wish I could just get back
I saw some old photos of myself the other day
There was so much happiness in my eyes, I could see bright white but it's all gone now
'Cause when I look in the mirror, I just see saddened eyes, lost and cut off from the light
Look, it's not all fun and games
Sometimes I feel happy in the moment but really I'm afraid
I'm scared of life and I'm scared of growing up
Everything is so negative and I know I'm not the only one who knows
But when I'm trying my hardest, still it's never enough
Only with time I'll be able to tell you that story
And then I'll know, wether or not it was worth all the worry
Wether it was worth all the pain and the cold and I know
It gets harder every day that I feel I can't breathe
So much weight on these shoulders of mine
Pressure building up and time is running out
I don't know what to do but I know this can't be the end of my line
Wake up, go to sleep then start again
This life is ruthless man, where the fuck can I even comprehend?
There so much pressure, not just career wise
When I'm scrolling my feed, I see people I used to know and they are just about getting on by
Yeah, he's got a yard now, he got a life, he's gotta try
There's a wife and son waiting for him, he ain't even twenty-five
I could never be ready bro, I just gotta keep my steady grind
Steady P, steady paper, I just want a steady life
Do you know what I think about when I dream about that life?
I want a nice flat, a nice car and some funds for the side
I don't need materialistic possessions, I'm not that kinda guy
I see too many fucking people wasting their time for a couple likes
I got the new this or new that, bro we got one life so use that
I spent so much time just fucking scrolling, we all abuse that
I didn't know, I didn't know how I could move back
Absorbed into this mindstate that I wish I could just lose that
I can't keep suppressing these thoughts to the back of my head
I need to face them first, I needa lay this down laid to rest
Yeah, I know, I know I know, there's more to that then I've said
But I ain't getting nowhere in life if I don't pick my own fucking head
I can't believe I ever associated with you, get the fuck up out my life
Get out my phone, get out my zone, get away 'cause I got a knife
And yeah, I hate it, yeah, I fucking hate it all
I'm so confused yet on the right path, it's all testing my resolve
But I know, I know, I know I'm destined for great things
Just sit back and watch it unfold 'cause I promise though
That this life is gonna be a great one, I can feel it in my bones
2024 is the start of it, a storyline that you'll know