Ugly Brothers

“Brothers out there with sisters, peep it!”

“My, my... you look so funny.”
“You mean funny, ha-ha, or funny, sheesh!?”
“I mean funny, yeech!”

Chorus:
I got a sister, she's hot. And quite frankly, I'm not
For those of you who might be a little dumber, that makes me her ugly brother
And that's what this song is about, so if you got a sibling hotter than you, scream and shout
C'mon, let it all out: those years of pain. Cause me and Format feel the same

For my first three years I was an only child
But I guess to my parents, I was looking lonely while
I laid up in the crib
Until one of them said "Let's have another kid!"
To which I replied "Hell no, don't do it!"
But all they heard was "Ga-ga-ga" "Oh, what a cute kid
And Allen, just look at his precious little baby frown
He can't wait to have his new sibling around."
From that point on I had nothing to lose, I'd interrupt the mood
Whenever my dad would try to bust a move, I'd throw the ill f*£!in' tantrum
Until they sent my bubby in, she'd be like, "Oy vey! Chill, grandson."
But I'd just keep screaming
Until my mum would run in worried, my dad mad steaming
From the sexual tension
Until one week I caught a throat infection
That left me unable to evoke a sound
My parents slept in a separate room but I knew what was going down
And sure enough, nine months passed
I got a brand new baby sister and I can already tell she's going to be a pain in the ass...

(chorus)
It's really not a reason to be feeling blue, cause me and Format know what you're going through

So the years passed, and like B-boys
Me and my sister matured. At high school, I rolled with the nerds:
Puny kids with orthodontic work and glasses
My sister's the polar opposite: cutting classes
Smoking grass in bathrooms with heavy metal dropouts
How can I put it? She was a knockout
Now get off the phone with the shrink's receptionist
Because I'm not incestuous. It's just
I think it's safe to guess that it's not my sister's in depth political perspective that's so fascinating
To these Tasmanian-devil-tattooed, Budweiser-shotgunning, contemporary cavemen
I'm not bitter my sister's hotter than me
I had a crappy hand in the genetic lottery
My parents laugh and say I was the practice run
Then my mum feels bad and says, "You have inner beauty, son."
What does that mean, hot f@!*n' tonsils?
Girls are hostile cause my eyes are smaller than my nostrils
Modelling agents telling my sister that she's sure hot
Only gigs I'm getting are as the before shots
For electrolysis clinics

Lack of action making me a chronic cynic
But at least I'm not alone as I wallow in my misery
Just take a look at Format as he stands next to his sister
She's a heavenly vision, slender like a swan's neck
When it comes to Format, God's like, "no comment"
Feet to make a Sasquatch think "What a freak!"
Behind the tables he looks like a nose dropping beats
"But Abs, isn't that like the on pot calling the kettle black?"
True, cause when we face each other on stage it looks like a goddamn fencing match
It's no better when we stand back to back
Cause then we come across as some sort of human pick-axe
So if you're like us: ugly with a hot sister
Then straight up, might I be so bold as to suggest
That we arrange a swap, mister?

(chorus)
And we can put you down for the winning team, cause me and Format know what you mean