Introduction

Desperate nerds in high offices all over
The world have been known
To enact the most disgusting pieces of
Legislation in order to win
Votes (or, in places where they don't get to vote, to control
Unwanted forms of mass behavior)
Environmental laws were not passed to
Protect our air and
Waterthey were passed to get
Votes seasonal anti-smut campaigns
Are not conducted to rid our
Communities of moral rotthey are
Conducted to give an aura of
Saintliness to the office-seekers who
Demand them if a few key phrases
Are thrown into any speech (as the
Expert advisors explain to these various
Heads of state) votes will
Roll in, bucks will roll
In, and, most importantly, power will be
Maintained by the groovy guy
(or gal) who gets the most media
Coverage for his sleaze naturally
His friends in various
Businesses will do okay too
All governments perpetuate themselves through
The daily commission
Of acts which a rational person might
Find to be stupid or dangerous
(or both) naturally
Our government is no exceptionfor instance
If the President
(any one of them) went on TV
And sat there with the
Flag in the background
(or maybe a rustic scene on a little
Backdrop, plus the flag) and stared
Sincerely into the camera and
Told everybody that all energy
Problems and all inflationary
Problems had been traced to and could
Be solved by the abolition of
MUSIC, chances are that most people would
Believe him and think that
The illegalization of this obnoxious form
Of noise pollution would
Be a small price to pay for the chance
To buy gas like the good ol'
Days no way? Never happen? Records are
Made out of oil all those
Big rock shows go from town to
Town in fuel gobbling 45 foot
Trucksand when they get there
They use up enormous amounts of
Electrical energy with their
Lights, their amplifiers, their PA
Systemstheir smoke machines and all
Those synthesizerslook at
All the plastic they got in
'emand the guitar picksyou name it
JOE'S GARAGE is a stupid story about
How the government is going to
Try to do away with music
(a prime cause of unwanted mass behavior)
It's sort of like a really cheap
Kind of high school playthe way
It might have been done 20 years ago
With all the sets made out of
Cardboard boxes and poster paint it's
Also like those lectures that
Local narks used to give
(where they show you a display of all the
Different ways you can get wasted
With the pills leading to the
Weed leading to the needle, etc, etc)
If the plot of the story seems
Just a little bit preposterous, and
If the idea of The Central
Scrutinizer enforcing laws that haven't
Been passed yet makes you giggle
Just be glad you don't live in one
Of the cheerful little countries where
At this very moment, music
Is either severely restricted or, as
It is in Iran, totally
Illegal