Hope Of Morning
My mind's a kaleidoscope, it thinks too fast
Blurs all the colors 'til I can't see past
The last mistake, the choice I made
Staring in the mirror with myself to blame
Sometimes I'm afraid of the thoughts inside
Nowhere to hide inside my mind
I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair
I second guess myself to death, I re-solicit every step
What if my words are meaningless?
What if my heart's misleading this?
I try to capture every moment as it comes to me
Bottle up the memories and let them keep me company
When the hope of morning starts to fade in me
I don't dare let darkness have its way with me
And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight
I will not be giving in tonight
When I'm old and grey, or thirty, or whatever happens first
I'll need you to reassure me I didn't waste a verse
Or worse, what if my life's work is reduced to just myself
Like never let you get a word in
While I dissect my mental health
Or lack thereof, whatever, there's too many things to track
I really can't remember if I'm insane or insomniac
Now days, all the kids want crazy
Wanna diagnose themselves
Trade up made up epidemics, pass around prescription pills
But my disorder can't be cured by a bottle, blade, or dose
Self-disgust and selfishness tend to hold me awfully close
But I don't wanna let you see that
I don't want my friends to know
Self-disgust and selfishness take me everywhere I go
When the hope of morning starts to fade in me
I don't dare let darkness have its way with me
And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight
I will not be giving in tonight
Try as I might to keep it together
Why is recovery taking forever?
Fool the whole world, just until I get better
I'm terrified I'll be faking forever
On and on, I wonder what went wrong inside my head
I don't have to have the answers, but tonight I wish I did
All the pain I can't explain away won't fade
All the the secrets silenced by the shame
Don't make me say it
When the hope of morning starts to fade in me
I don't dare let darkness have its way with me
And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight
I will not be giving in tonight