Talking Christmas Goodwill Blues
[Verse 1]
Well, I flew to LA for the very first time
I met Howie Klein and Seymour Stein
They said, "Wes, we do this Christmas thing
And we get all the acts to sing"
I said, "What do you want?
You want a cover of Winter Wonderland or something?"
They said, "Do what you like"
So this is called "Talking Christmas Goodwill Blues"
This is how it goes
Here it goes
[Verse 2]
Well, Christmas comes but once a year
Three hundred and sixty-four days to get your ass in gear
And he's a sucker, he's a fool
The man who don't revere the yule
So this Christmas it's just me and you
And a large helping of sweet baby Jesus
[Verse 3]
May all your Christmases be very white
And your Boxing Days be outta sight
But spare a thought when you give the gifts
For the people doing Christmas shifts
'Cause Christmas is a time for giving
Like lifetime is a time for living, yeah
[Verse 3]
Well, they say that money's taking over
And no one wants a cheap legover, pullover
They say that when any bell rings
One of God's children gets his wings (Ding)
Talking of wings, there’s a sign in LAX that says
"Four hundred ninety five shopping days
Till the Christmas after this one!"
Buy now, cry later
[Verse 4]
So deck your halls with mistletoe
And save your cents and hope it snows
And watch some old films on TV
But don’t knock down the Christmas tree
'Cause you'll be cleaning up pine needles in July
That's a universal truth unfortunately
Christmas hootenanny
[Verse 5]
Twelve drummers drumming
Eleven pipers piping
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
Five golden rings
Four calling birds
Three French hens
Two turtle doves
And her apartment's in a big mess
And the ASPCA’s not too happy either
[Verse 6]
So I'm behind the speakers over here
Wishing you a hip hop happy new year
A wicked Christmas and the coolest yule
If you're by a fire or in a swimming pool
John Wesley Harding's the name and this is the groove
He was never known to make a foolish move
Watch out for the record when it hits the shelves
Happy Christmas, enjoy your elves!
That's all, folks!