Telephone Bill

Everybody rappin' and talkin' 'bout nothin' and makin' 'em sexy sounds
And in the meantime and in-between-time I'm down here on the ground.
But now, I'm not complainin' about what's pertainin' to my present status quo
About things gettin' hard, ooh, my God – inflation… I know you know. Listen:

Now just yesterday I'd like to say before I got on my bed.
Now I was already tired on the for-real side and a few bills I'd have got to pay…
Now my phone rang and a cute little girl began to sing this tune,
She said: “Mr. Watson I'd like to inform you your phone is turned off at noon!”

Now that came to me as no surprise, 'cause last week I went up the coast,
I met a cute little girl that was all the way live and callin' her I thought was the most!
She had them great big eyes and 'em great big legs and it gave my body a chill.
So, you know, I never thought about the cost and, no – a telephone bill!

So I just kept on rappin', my hands got clappin', havin' myself a ball,
Eh, ah – you know, it slipped my mind it was at the same time I was makin' a long distance call.
So that day before yesterday I ran into the problem just making them calls an hollers
And I picked up the envelope that contained my bill – guess what: 500 dollars!

Now, the next time I call this big-leg-cutie to make myself a date
I'm gonna call that girl way after nine and get me the evening rate!
Now, I ain't gonna tell her, shh, ain't gonna tell her nothin' to blow my frown thing,
But it'll be way, way, way after nine when she'll hear her telephone ring!

Ring it! Ring it! Ring that telephone!
Ring it! Ring it! Ring that telephone!
I said: ring it! Ring it! Have yourself a thrill!
And when you ring it, ring it: watch your phone bill!

Now I paid the bill and the deal was real and my talking resumed and all.
A, ah, I said: from now on, pal, I must stick to my local calls!
Now, a few weeks passed, and I would just guess – y-you know what I'm talkin' about –
I say, when I got the bill the figure was so low, I was impressed! Knock me out!

Now, shortly that after something stopped my laughter, I was upside diggin' in the yard,
Heard a “ding” and I heard a “dong” – it was the phone! Ooh, my Lord!
Say, I dropped my shovel and my body I levelled and I made me a 100-yard dash
And then I straightened up my clothes and I blew my nose through a kleenex in the trash.

I composed myself and I picked up the phone and I was still kinda huffin' and puffin'
And the operator said “would you accept a collect call?” – I said: “Ain't that nothin'?”
But, uh, I was just cool, 'cause, you know, I didn't wanna be no fool, and, see, I didn't know who it was –
It was the big-legged cutie from up off the coast tellin' me that she was in love!

Then, now, for three whole minutes I planned to talk – not now you all know I ain't never lied!
But, in love or not, I planned to stop when the third minute arrived!
I went three minutes past – it occured to me: ooh! She might talk a week!
I-I said: “I'm sorry, Baby, look, I gotta go!” – She was a telephone freak!

She said: “Oh, Johnny, talk a little longer! With you I'm so in love!”
I said: “I know, where you're comin' from, I can dig it! I gotta go rehearse at the club!”
She said: “Well, if you gotta go rehearse I'll call you later, there's some I gotta tell you what's on my mind!”
I said: “Well, yeah okay, Baby, you can call me back – anytime after nine!”

Ring it! Ring it! Ring that telephone!
Why don't you ring it? Ring it? Ring that telephone?
And when you ring it, ring it, have yourself a thrill!
And ring it, ring it: watch your phone bill