Teach You How to Die
When my alarm clock went off, I hit snooze
Then my mom got me up, "Get ready for school!
(Wah) you need to eat your Wheaties
And double knot your shoes
(yeah, yeah, yeah) and better remember
Don't you forget your 7 noteboos!" (Huh?)
"But mom, I feel under the weather today"
"I'll let you stay home sick as
Soon as you get better grades!" (Groan)
So I scoot off to school
With my backpack strapped tight
Wait, where are my notebooks? I
Knew my bag felt light (Crap)
I guess I must've left 'em
Back in a classroom
I'll grab 'em after math, don't know why
But I have to (Yup)
I'm greeted by the teacher
Doesn't seem like a bad dude
"Just answer correctly every question
I ask you
Fantastic! You're doing incredible!"
I already passed math
But that's all on my schedule (Why?)
I'll never solve this impossible problem
I can't even read it (What?)
Now Baldi's got a frown and
I'm prepared for a beatin' (AAAAH)
He's the teacher, I cannot outsmart him
(No way)
You're gonna see my picture on milk cartons
'Bout to meet the business
End of Baldi's yardstick
Welcome to the schoolhouse of hard knocks
Kids!
Baldi's got a pop quiz
I hope you studied hard all night
(Study hard all night)
You know you gotta solve each problem right
(Solve 'em right)
If you know your 123s, it'll be as easy as pi
(314)
Pay attention when I teach you how to die
(How to die, die, die)
Can we change the subject, pretty please?
(Eh)
Right now we need a little better chemistry
Think of what fun a foreign language could be
(O oh) cuz I've done the math
I'm lookin' like history (Aaah)
You can forget PE, I got my cardio
When I wasted all my playtime jumping rope
I know my judgement is coming but
I think we need a recess
Or a dead student's what you
Broom's gotta sweep next
(Sweep, sweep, sweep)
I'm not bothered by the Bully
I ain't scared of him (yeah, right)
I'm on my best behavior, Principal
Take care of him
I thought I saw the Sock Puppet
He's a little timid
'Till I get more notebooks
And then he's livid stay back! I got a soda
I've been shaking it well (Shh)
At the end of the day
Could I be saved by the bell
I'm in an 8-bit hell and I'll forever burn
I get plenty detentions but I never learn
(Nope)
Baldi's got a pop quiz
I hope you studied hard all night
(Study hard all night)
You know you gotta solve each problem right
(Solve 'em right)
If you know your 123s, it'll be as easy as pi
(314)
Pay attention when I teach you how to die
(How to die, die, die)
"Oh my god, is Mavis Beacon on bath salts?"
"Oh, you're probably locked up with Baldi
That's all you know
Some Rogaine ought to go a long way" (Hey)
Snap! He heard that and I'm
Going the wrong way! (No no no)
What does he do with that
Ruler to little boys? (Ew) don't wanna know
Throw him off with a little noise
I've been thinking that the faculty actually
Has been keeping track of
Every casualty casually
Pocket full of quarters and a chocolate bar
A robot stopped me for a hug
I'm not getting far
These distorted distractions out to
Stop my plans
But the true crime here is the Comic Sans
(Oh God no)
All the halls are red, get to the exit
Barely staying ahead
Forgot how tired my legs get
I'm sick of this
Outdated education simulation
I've either gotta break it or
Make it to graduation
Baldi's got a pop quiz
I hope you studied hard all night
(Study hard all night)
You know you gotta solve each problem right
(Solve 'em right)
If you know your 123s, it'll be as easy as pi
(314)
Pay attention when you get this education
As I teach you all the basics on how to die