I’m Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas

[Verse 1]
When I was a girl, just a little girl
I couldn't wait 'til I became a woman
And I could grow a thatch of curls
A deep, dark forest to keep me warm in this cold world

[Verse 2]
And days became weeks, weeks became months
Months turned to years and it was like magic
It grew and grew, the greatest bush
That the kingdom ever knew

[Pre-Chorus]
But at the turn of the millennium
A fever gripped the land
It was decreed that all the women
Look like little girls again

[Chorus]
But now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

[Post-Chorus]
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

[Verse 3]
When I was a boy, just a little boy
I was embarrassed by my body's changes
But then one day at the local pool
I saw a life guard with hair growing out of his anus

[Verse 4]
I was so impressed, it looked like Tom Selleck's chest
He was so proud as he towelled it down
I couldn't wait to cultivate
My very own hairy bum gown

[Pre-Chorus 2]
But at the start of the millennium
Spandex gripped the land
Every back sack and crack was attacked with wax
Now I'm growing it back, a gift for you to unwrap

[Chorus]
Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

[Post-Chorus]
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby

[Bridge]
We'll keep each other warm at night
With our jingle bell hairy stalactites
We'll watch each other grow and grow
I'll stick to you, I'll stick to you
Like velcro

[Chorus]
Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
I'm growing it big, growing it thick

Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing a downstairs beard for you
Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas
Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you

[Outro]
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby
Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby