Las Vegas

I was just in Las Vegas not
Long ago i like being
Out there i got in trouble i was in Las Vegas
I went in a strip club
And a girl got mad at me 'cause I
Tipped her with Monopoly money she was
All pissed! She said, 'That's fake
Money!' I said, 'Them are fake titties!'
Git-R-Done, that's right real money
Real titties, that's what I say
Right there real monies, real
Titties, that's in the Bible right there
That's biblical you can read
About in 2nd Parentheses, it's right
In therе 3rd Parentheses
I ain't gonna gеt all religious on you
Up here but it's in there

I don't like them pancake buffets
In Las Vegas good
Lord you ever eat the pancake buffets? I
Gained so much weight
I had to buy relaxed-fit
Condoms by the time I left there
It was ridiculous and I used to
Be in shape i used to
Be a lifeguard 'til some blue kid
Got me fired but them
Pancake buffets i had the pancake poops the
Whole time I was out there 'You
Wanna play poker?' 'Nah, I gotta take
The Browns to the Super Bowl, i'll be
Alright' Good Lord i was
Out there seven days
I had cinnamon ass for five
Of 'em, it was ridiculous i disappeared
Like a fat girl playing dodgeball
In Las Vegas i was out of that place in there

They have that game there called
Keno you ever play
Keno? Anybody speak English at all in here
Or? Feel like I'm talking to the UN and
Nobody has their headphones on in there

But I didn't know what keno was, and they
Play keno everywhere i'd go
Down for breakfast, they's a
Girl walking around, 'Keno keno
Keno' The next morning
She's down there, 'Keno keno'
I'm like, 'Hey, get a leash for that
Dog! Alright?' And they're
Hooked on it too i'm standing next
To this woman, she goes
'Look! I can't believe it! Look
At that!' I'm like, 'What?'
She goes, 'The keno numbers are
Coming up in order one
Two, three, four, five' I'm like
'You're on the elevator
Jackass!' Isn't that irritating?

I tell you what to do god
I always like to see a lot of the old rock
'n roll bands pre-form
And they do in Las Vegas you ever
See Boston? Boston was out there! That's
Right i think Boston's the laziest
Rock 'n roll band
In the world they've had five albums since
1976 step it up! Alright? Damn
Jimi Hendrix is
Dead and he puts out three a year
For God's sake

I read an article somewhere that that feller
Sting i don't like that Sting feller, but
I read this article in the paper 'cause
My neighbor got up late, and
Uh i read this article in the paper you-
You'll get a lot of this later on on the
Way to the house but it said that Sting
Cries after he has sex you
Believe that? He cries-
I was like, 'Big deal! So do I
But that's only when I realize I ain't
Got enough money to cover the check!'
(laughs) I do too!
I never saw the Rolling Stones live and I
Was at one of their shows uh did
You know that one dude from the Rolling
Stones married a girl that was 19
When he was 53 years old? Git-R-Done!
You believe that? She was 19, he was 53!
That pissed me off! I went to my
Old math teacher and I said
'I told you 53 goes into 19!'
(laughs) That's right