THIS IS ME

Benjamin Lewis

Done with the love and hatred
Why did I ever think I was worth saving
Why was I blind when it was so Blatant
Now I'm all alone trapped in this cave in
Toss me a shovel wait no ones aidin
Coming up with people to talk to is draining
Starting to lose it what was I sayin'
I'm trapped underground but I can't stop myself from Spacin
How did I even get to this depth?
Since the days of recess
I've been a reject
Most of my memories are repressed
Kept secret
Traumas headed to the surface seeking
It's really No wonder I would look for father figures
Every other season
I'm such a degen falling to pieces
Going nuts like some reeses
Doesn't help with what's happened recent
I've Said some things I wish I could recant
But things are what they is for a reason
This pain needs to relent
Some of these Wrong Need even'd
Start with pulling out the switchblade
The one dark put in my back with disdain
Destiny's big day time to bleed not menstruate
Slit ya throat you control me
That's a big mistake
Surely going insane
Woah
Didn't mean to get so belligerent
Seen people mock the darkness ignorance
The Demons then start to unearth and
My imbalance heighten the burden
What I do to deserve this
You only see the surface, curtains
That I put up to do us a service
Take a peek my hate surge like a furnace, purge us
And then consume us both you nervous
No?
Cus I sure am, I need control
It's in high demand, Down in this hole
But don't understand
How I let my hold get to be weakened
Flipped in one night all for a big reveal
Was so gas lit question what it is that's real
Why accept the package? It's been instilled
By this Family damage passed like alleles.

This is me, this is me
There are thoughts in my head that you can't see, you can't see
This is me, is me
Demons play fiddles in my head like a symphony, like a symphony
Question me? Question me?
This is who I am most of y'all cant even my energy my energy
Question me? Question me?
Every negative thought you think I've already had times Infinity

Lately my behavior can only be described as erratic
Could be due to the fact I went through something a little traumatic
On a drug harder than average
Dependent on pain might as well call me an addict
Prep my vein it's the only thing that clears the static
So carve your name in my back so I can get out of this chasm
Last 3 years I was trying to be everyone else
I was so lost, don't know why I resented just being myself
Just what I felt
So hot headed my brains really living in hell
It's Nearing a boil right inside my cranium
I'm in my own skin but feel alien
Always trying to dig up the past like a paleon
I get anxious when I get complacent
I feel aimless when failures adjacent
Turn to satan awaited acquaintance
He's my agent
Always working to schedule my self abrasion
Wait self abrasion that's not right I'm supposed to be amazing
(Yo, Lucifer, Can we cancel that? No?)
Guess I'm stuck with this Self sabotage
Let's get it over with pass the adderall
I Find and KILL every bond like SND
Treat all entities like my enemies
A Cynical epitome
Can't see the good. But it won't be the end of me
I'm just negative it's my specialty
But don't dare question me or my identity
Cus
This is me, this is me
There are thoughts in my head that you can't see, you can't see
This is me, is me
Demons play fiddles in my head like a symphony, like a symphony
Question me? Question me?
This is who I am most of y'all cant even my energy my energy
Question me? Question me?
Every negative thought you think I've already had times Infinity

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