Guess Me Weight

I bet my mates I could get a date with a girl called Edna Gratton
She walked in the place, said she liked my face-
It was one she hadn't sat on
I said: 'I hope you're insured if you want me pork sword
Its what comes when I sup Boddingtons, if you want a quick fiddle
Its wrapped round me middle, and in a warehouse down in Warrington
Sit on me face, I'll guess your weight.'
They drip with fear when they see my beef spear
Come busting (combusting) out of me flies
When I've supped me ale, they get impaled, they just can't take its size

Lying in this fucking field, outside Duckinfield
Her knickers wet and sloppy
I was going to take her, when her cunt said:
'Breaker, breaker, anyone for a copy?'
I fumbled past the boils, dug out a rusty coil
I could have been scarred for life
It lay there rusting, I said it smelled disgusting
She said: 'Its Chanel No 5.' (channel number five)