Ghost of Kalief Browder
Oh, on that night I had came from a
Party on 3rd Avenue with some friends
And I was going home and that's when
I was stopped by police officers
And they was explaining to me
That there was a guy in one of their police
Cars that was saying that I allegedly robbed
Him, and they had searched me and the guy
Actually at first he said I robbed him
I didn't have anything on
Me and that's when
You say nothing, you mean no weapon
And none of his property?
No weapon, no money, anything he said that I
Allegedly robbed him for
They told me freeze, I can't run far
So now I'm stuck
Handcuffed inside the cop car
Told me I'm wanted in
Connection with a robbery
The witness said he wasn't sure
But it was probably me
Told 'em I'm innocent
I swear it really wasn't me
The cop laughed and just
Kept on fingerprinting me
Asked me my age and I told him barely sixteen
Read me my rights
Didn't know what them shit's mean
Inside a room
The lady asking me like where I was?
Taking pictures of my tats
Was I crip or blood?
I repeat I wasn't there, I was in my home
Are y'all finished? are y'all done?
Now can I go home? They put me back inside a
Cell with that pissy smell
Where niggas layin' on the bench and
On the floor as well
Blew a pin, cheese sandwiches
I wasn't smilin'
At my arraignment judge told 'em
Take me to the Island
He set bail, what the hell
I can't post that
My mama poor, all this over a backpack?
The folk building where they took
Me I heard stories 'bout
Where adolescents chew rocks and
Spit razors out
Just a boy but they forcing me to be a man
And my in the day room got me throwin' hands
They tryna jump me but I'm fighting
Back with all my might
Dirty CO's just watchin', let
'em beat me twice, this can't be life
Got me thinkin' I should take my own
At nights I cried
Fantasizing that they send me home
I miss my family
These days turning into months
Ride to that courthouse on this filthy bus
I want my trial but the DA
Said they still ain't ready
And since I fight back they
Put me in solitary twenty-three locked down
Ain't no commissary
Write letters, stand strong
Mama don't you worry i feel trapped
Got me livin' where the mice at
I feel darkness in this cage
Where the lights at?
Countin' the bricks on the wall
Think I lost my mind i can't take it
Lately contemplating suicide
I can't believe I been here
And three years past all charges dropped
Finally being free at last
My whole family is happy
That I'm finally back
But what they took from me
I am never getting back
Look how they stole my childhood
And they beat me soft
Comin' home slightly different than
I was before it was horror
All the memories at night haunt me
Wakin' up screamin'
Thinkin' that the CO's on me
I'm hearing voices now, I'm paranoid
Who do I trust?
Tryna find my way, gettin' harder to adjust
I can't take it
Please somebody get this pressure off me
Man I'm feelin' like God ain't
Throw a blessing towards me
I feel the love but the demons
In my head is louder
The court-appointed lawyer that they gave
Me did me fouler i'm depressed, sorry mom
I couldn't make you prouder
I give up, take my own life, Kalief Browder
"The judge told me that if I plead guilty, I
Would be released from jail that same day
But I didn't do it! You're
Not gonna make me say
I did something just so I can go home"
When we first met him November of
Last year, he was doing better
He said earned his GED, started
Classes at Bronx Community College
Pulling a 356 GPA but
The psychological trauma
From jail had taken it's toll
"When he first came home
He would just walk the four
Corners of the driveways"
"You hear animals do
That have been confined to a space"
"Yes, he did it and I had to watch
My baby go through all of that"
In the last year, Kalief grew depressed
Deeply paranoid "You know deep down
I'm a mess i feel like
I'm a grown old man"
And then, two Saturdays ago, two years
After his release from jail
Kalief Browder hanged himself with an
Air conditioner cord in
His home in the Bronx he was 22