i don't know how to be happy

I walk alone
With no one I can call
You know I'm bored
I'm staring at the wall
Don't ask, don't tell
Just know I'm doing well
My heart is torn
The calm before the storm
I'm okay
I still wonder why you always used to call at night
When I'm about to close my eyes too tired to say goodnight
My mind, my home
I want to be beautiful
The dark foresees
The things I see in dreams
Sometimes I escape
Flesh keeps me in this place
My mind, my home
I want to be beautiful
The dark foresees
The things I see in dreams
They're always bad but I don't understand why
Why must I cry all of the damn time?
I wanna know why you treat me so bad
What did I do to deserve all that?