The Maltese Falcon Pt. 1 and Pt. 2

[EXquire:]
Yo what you say you want from the store ma?… Alright and some Lawry's? Seasoning salt. Alright, I’ma just walk over there… Yeah I’ma walk! Aight, I’ll be back

[Part 1]
I’m walkin’ down this winding road, feels like I’m floatin’
Slow motion on the coast of the ocean (That’s a nice view, man)
Its midnight the moon’s bright blue
I felt a hand grab the heel of my right shoe (Fuck was that?)
I looked down and it was John Woo (John Woo?)
Tied and gagged by a pair of panties, he got his arm loose
I untied him, got him to his feet
He tried to speak Cantonese (I don’t understand all that shit, man c’mon)
We got a booth at this McDonalds at a pit stop
He told me he started a 2Pac Party (Is 2Pac allowed?)
Beauty Dior, Kendra, Jade, and some other whores
I lured ‘em into a bubble bath and then I fucked ‘em all (Hell yeah bitches)
But when he got there, Sergeant Slaughter
Had a bunch of puddys from the Power Rangers jump on her (Word!?)
They used their KO attack dicks to crack her and find out the secret of
The Maltese Falcon, a marble sculpture that doubled as a key
To the skeleton king and treasure out in AZ (I heard about that)
The Falcon’s in the basement in Rosedale, Queens
Under the watchful eye of Laila Ali (Alright)
He needs me to get it; it would be most lucrative (Huh?)
A hundred thousand dollars and role in his new film (Hell yeah!)
I agree, he gave me his teleportation ring
And the password was Mighty Ducks 3 (Mighty Ducks 3)
Zoom, I’m racin’ through a time warp
On a mercenary mission, don’t know what’s in store
All I know is I’m racing Sergeant Slaughter
Tryin’a get my clutches on The Maltese Falcon
Zoom, I’m slicin’ through the atmosphere
Unprepared for situations that lie ahead
Never scared, so test me if you dare
I’ma get my hands on The Maltese Falcon

[Part 2]
I landed like the nightcrawler
And find Laila laid out with a dart in her right shoulder
Eyes dilated, the back door’s open
I pull my head out and scope Brooke and Hulk Hogan
With The Falcon, hoppin’ in a Papa John’s delivery Saturn
So I shot my ray gun
I hit the engine and it started spinnin’ out of control
And hit a pothole, flipped, and then they hit a pole
It exploded as they crawled out
Brooke tried to run with The Falcon
Nah, I punched her ass out
Terry Bolea became infuriated
My ray gun jammed and I had to wrestle his ass out the […]
It started rainin’, I could barely see
Swingin’ wild haymakers, the nigga hulked up on me
Body slam, leg drop, I’m down for the count
He grabbed The Falcon, hijacked a car, and then they bounced
I left Ventura with the rights to the turnpike
I stumbled to my feet and pushed a nigga off his dirt bike
I started ridin’, poppin’ wheelies in the rain
On the highway, dodgin’ in and out, switchin’ lanes
Oh shit, I spotted ‘em doin’ 90 in a brown Datson
And yo nobody in my hood got one
I hopped off the bike and landed on top of the hood
He tried to brake the car to make me fall off
He pulled into the heliport
I punched a hole through the window and stabbed him with the sharp part
He pulled over, slumped on the wheel
I grabbed The Falcon out of Brooke’s bra and ran like Hell
Put on the teleportation ring, felt a sting
Then everything got blurry and I fell to my feet
Seen a furry hand, heard a laugh
Part 3: The Aftermath

[Outro]
The Maltese Falcon Saga, Volume 2 coming soon