Rock Against Drugs
[audience cheers]
[announcer]
Would you please welcome... Sam Kinison!
[audience cheers]
[Sam Kinison]
Oh man... [laughs]
You’re just happy I’m still alive
Ah, shit...
Well, I see the party started a little early at some of your places too, huh?
You’re doing the right thing. Fuck it, man. It’s Thursday night. We’re about to make it Saturday fucking night. ‘cause none of us are going to work tomorrow. FUCK IT!
Go in 11 o’clock, noon, wrecked, your hair fucked up, your nose bleeding... [sniffs]
Just look at ‘em and go, "OH, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? I WAS WITH HIM! OH OHHHHHH!
I’M LUCKY TO BE ALIVE! OH OHHHHHH!"
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Such a moral push, isn’t there in this country? To try and get us to behave
Don’t fucking drink and drive...
God, they have made such a big fucking DEAL about this, haven’t they?
It didn’t used to be such a big fucking deal
You had a few drinks. You drove home
Now you’re a dick, y’know? Now you’re a fuckin' asshole...
"Child killer! CHILD KILLER! ATTEMPTED MANSLAUGHTER! ATTEMPTED MANSLAUGHTER!"
Y’know...
Y’know, like you’re going out to your car
They go, "Well I sure hope I slide into a FAMILY OF SIX TONIGHT! WOOOOO!
I BET YOU I CAN PASS OUT BEFORE I HIT THE STOPLIGHT!"
Yeah, that's not your fucking attitude
You're doing your best
You know, don’t drink and fucking drive
Shit, we don’t want to
I mean, you don’t get fucked up so you can see how well you do on the test later, you know?
But there’s no other way to get our fucking CAR BACK TO THE HOUSE!
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET FUCKING HOME, MAN?
We’ve gotta drink and drive
They don’t wanna accept it. They don’t fucking wanna accept-
Like we’re all gonna ride the bus. Give me a fucking bus pass, alright?
"Bus pass please!"
We’re not gonna ride the bus
We’re gonna fucking drink and we’re gonna drive and we’re gonna pull it off
Because most of us do it every single fucking night
I drink, folks. I won’t lie to you
I wait ’til everything’s done, and then I blow my fucking brains out.
I drink. I mean, if you’re gonna drink, once in a while, you gotta fucking drink
You just get [?], no...
No, every once in a while you gotta think about the woman that broke your heart and go
“OH, MAKE THAT TWO-FIFTHS OF JACK DANIEL'S!”
Yeah, every once in a while you just gotta [???]
I know everybody’s, like, trying to be straight now. Doesn’t that piss you off? These fucking rock ’n roll pussies...
Yeah, I watch MTV all the time
They have the “Rock Against Drugs” commercials, that whole campaign...
These guys have, like, you know, slid into fucking school buses and killed 20 children, you know?
“Rather than face a life sentence, they made a public service announcement.”
Yeah, no shit. You know?
I love these guys that are just like, “Hello. Listen, don’t get caught with drugs, or you’ll have to do a commercial just like this one.”
I think I found the message. The message is “don’t get caught”
“Rock Against Drugs”, what a fucking name
Somebody was high when they came up with this title, you know?
It’s like “Christians Against Christ”
Rock created drugs! What are they talking about?
They go together, folks
Yeah, I'm not a good role model for impressionable youth
“Can't believe it! The guy opens his show with ‘drink and drive’, ‘do drugs’..."