Dear Grandma

I don't have anymore fight in my soul
When I feel you, I lose control
I didn't want this on your page
Now we're separated, and I'm in shame
I held your hand as you took your last breath to your next step of your life
9: 20 pm, October 6th, what a horrible night with a horrible sight
The woman who basically raised me
Laying lifeless in that bed
I already knew you couldn't see me but did you hear anything that I said
All of my confessions and all of my wrongs
How I'd be fine by all of my songs
How I'ma miss how'd you sing along
All of those times that you were my mom
All of those times that you were my dad
Like a brother and sister when we would get mad
And everyone else just to fill up the gap
You were the greatest best friend that I'll ever have
How can I do this without you
Grandma I don't know what to do
I'm so lost and I'm confused
My heart's turning cold from the bruise
And I ain't doing any of this for the views
I just don't know how to get it through to me
Cause usually
I need to vent and give my two cents away at a piece
How can your god be so heartless
Take you away and keep me in the darkness yeah
That's selfish I say it regardless
But cancer took you as a Target
At this point I hope religions true
I don't believe in him
But I believe in you
Wishing you were here with me in this room
It just hurts to say I hope to see you soon
I don't have anymore fight in my soul
When I feel you, I lose control
I didn't want this on your page
Now we're separated, and I'm in shame
I would quit rap
Just to get you back
Delete every track
Just to talk to you
One more time
No more punchlines
No more rhymes
See I'm losing views
I was going to buy us a house
Get you away from section eight
Burn our food stamp card
But see now everything is too late
I am so stupid
For thinking this music
Was going to work and make me blow up so soon
I shouldn't been chasing this stupid ass dream
I should have been home taking more care of you
You were stuck in a home
I'd only stay for like 40 minutes
Then Id leave you all alone
See my patience hit its limit
You see
I'm not a man
I couldn't stand
To see you in so much pain
I am ashamed
Are you happy now life
Please tell me what you have gained
I cannot think or even believe
That you're not alive nowhere to be seen
You'll heal in time what the hell does that mean
In this day and age there in no time to do anything
You blink everything's gone
You're stuck wondering
What you did wrong
And I cannot accept the fact
These deaths are back-to-back
And these emotions of mine are prolonged
Now I'm stuck talking to you through a song
I just
I just
I don't know what the Earth is trying to say
Cause you passed away
On Michael's birthday
I don't have anymore fight in my soul
When I feel you, I lose control