The Diet Song

Well, breakfast, black coffee
One slice dry toast
No butter no jelly no jam

Lunch, just some lettuce
Two celery sticks
No booze no potatoes no ham

Dinner, one chicken wing
Broiled not fried
No gravy no bisquits no pie

And this dietin' dietin' dietin'
Dietin' sure is a rough way to die

So, pass me a carrot stick
Peel me a prune
One glass of skim milk and that's all

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial
It's drivin' me straight up the wall

I'm thinkin' of french fries
Sausage and waffles
Spaghetti and cookies and cake
And each night I'm dreamin'
Of chocolate ice cream and
I'm starvin' to death when I wake
All for your sake

Well, you're fixin' the kids
All those cream mashed potatoes
But it's bouillon and water for me
And you got a lock on the refrigerator
Lord knows where you've hidden the key

And while I'm starvin' for food late at night
I'm starvin' for lovin' from you
But you say that when I can see my own dick
You'll be glad to look at it too

So supper, two pieces of cauliflower raw
Some beef stick the size of a nai
One slice of tomato, a small dab of slaw
Lord, I swear I ate better in jail
Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose
Girl that's the least you can do

And put down that candy bar
While I'm singin'
I'm starvin' my ass off for you

And when I am dead with the insurance paid
You'll look down at me and you'll grin
You'll say, "Well, the boy tried,
And he starved, and he died,
But don't he look good when he's thin."