The Wedding Blues

Hey Dave, you're getting married today
Mazeltov, man
I must say
Your future father-in-law looks so strung out
'Cause there is an open bar and I'm parched
You see, I've got a bone to pick with you
You've sat me next to your aunt who looks long overdue
For a
Dental cleaning and that got me thinking
Am I in the mood for
Fish or chicken?

Something blue
Something borrowed
Something old
Something novel
Here's to you
You handsome devil
Bottoms up, man
This shit's forever

Hey Dave, your bride looks so good today
With that wine on her dress and that look on her face
While we bust a move to this band or DJ
Let's start the conga
Shit go get cray, cray

Something blue
Something borrowed
Something old
Something novel
Here's to you
You handsome devil
Bottoms up, man
This shit's forever

(Ladies and gentlemen)
(Put your hands together for the best man)

Well, where to begin
He is my best friend
Ruining his big day
Is tradition
I've got jokes about
When we were teenagers
That time you pooped your pants
In high school
Got stories about
When we got so wasted
Went to the mall naked
Murdered that homeless dude
I'm offending everyone
Just threw up on your mom
The bridesmaids are sexy
Except for that fat one
Shooting Apple Sours
I fell off the stage
I've got jokes for hours
I've got jokes for days
I'm closing with a classic
It's a sure thing
If I'm the best man
Why are you marrying him?

Raise your glasses
To your faces
Let's get blasted
Let's get wasted

Raise your glasses
To your faces
Let's get blasted
Let's get wasted

Something blue
Something borrowed
Something old
Something novel
Here's to you
You handsome devil
Bottoms up, man
This shit's forever