January 3, 1889: Nietzsche Witnesses The Flogging of a Horse

After seventeen years and two broken teeth
More nauseas than inspired
Tempestuous chaos in my rope of bowel
And mostly I'd gotten tired

My head, my bed
Some blankets we had to throw out
A scar on my chin where my beard won't grow in
And I can't hear what she's talking about

I've got to speak my peace
I've got to speak my peace
I've got to speak my peace
But my peace won't be still
I've got to get this out
I've got to get this out
I've got to get this out but I can't give it up
I can't give it up

My life, my wife
My son sleeping in his crib
The horrible truth of what makes me afraid
The pile of reptiles in my ribs

Systematic value assessment don't count
Some pathetic rebel investment don't count
Everything you're scrambling after don't count
Every time you thought you would matter don't count

Systematic value assessment don't count
Some pathetic rebel investment don't count
Everything you're scrambling after don't count
Every time you thought you would matter don't count

Old envelopes pregnant, a lingering wisp
Stale scent of the end always nearing
I'm grappling at my abdomen
For God's sake I am disappearing
I threw out keepsakes
I didn't keep enough
I lost track of the places we'd been
And it dawned on me over the last three years
We can never go back there again

I don't need a smokescreen to disappear
I am getting so small I lose track of me
So racked with shame from wanting to matter
And the things I'm never ever going to be
Let's commit our bodies to the ocean
With arms stretched over our heads
A tangle of snakes
The white noise they make
The horrible things that I've said

We're the cracked tusk of the elephant
We're the cloud in the diamond
We're a pinprick in the water balloon
Like hot water on the dishes

We're the cracked tusk of the elephant
We're the cloud in the diamond
We're a pinprick in the water balloon
Like hot water on the dishes

String up the black chord
Festoon the archway
Pull out the stubborn IV
Finally admit if we catch on fire
There'll be no one to see
Rattle the bones
Necklace of skulls
Feathers pressed into the floor
We realize we've ruptured the hull
And we can't go home any more

String up the black chord
Festoon the archway
Pull out the stubborn IV
Finally admit if we catch on fire
There'll be no one to see
Rattle the bones
Necklace of skulls
Feathers pressed into the floor
We realize we've ruptured the hull
And we can't go home any more

Like a pinprick in a water balloon
Like hot water on the dishes

Like a pinprick in a water balloon
Like hot water on the dishes

Like a pinprick in a water balloon
Like hot water on the dishes

Like a pinprick in a water balloon
Like hot water on the dishes

My eyes, my lies
The things I'm
Saying to no one
The fire inside, a million miles wide
The way that I'm always coming undone

My eyes, my lies
The things I'm
Saying to no one
The fire inside, a million miles wide
The way I'm always coming undone

My eyes, my lies
The things I'm
Saying to no one
The fire inside, a million miles wide
The way I'm always coming undone

I don't need a smokescreen to disappear
I am getting so small I lose track of me
So racked with shame from wanting to matter
And the things I'm never ever going to be
Let's commit our bodies to the ocean
With arms stretched over our heads
A tangle of snakes
The white noise they make
The horrible things that I've said