Betsy Ross and the Flag

Narrator: As the seeds of turmoil flowered and grew, the hastily assembled American army craved a banner they could call their own. To a certain Philadelphia seamstress came General George Washington one day, in the icy winter of 1777

George Washington: Betsy? You in there, Betsy?

Betsy Ross: Who is it?

George Washington: It’s me, George

Betsy Ross: Oh, boy. Come on in!…Hey! Hey! Ever hear of wiping your feet?

George Washington: How’s that?

Betsy Ross: You’re tracking snow all over my early American rug

George Washington: Oh, yeah. Sorry. All right, let’s get down to business now. You got it finished?

Betsy Ross: The flag?

George Washington: No, no, my jacket

Betsy Ross: Yeah, but don’t you want to see the flag?

George Washington: The flag can wait. I’ve got a man outside from Esquire

Betsy Ross: All right. You want to slip it on?

George Washington: Please

Betsy Ross: Oka. Take a look in the mirror there

George Washington: Heh, heh. Is that a darling blazer?

Betsy Ross: Yeah, darling

George Washington: Is it me?

Betsy Ross: It’s you. Now, how about we check over the flag?

George Washington: Wait a minute. Do you think the lace on the cuffs is too much?

Betsy Ross: No, it’s fine

George Washington: You really like it?

Betsy Ross: I adore it. Now about-

George Washington: I wonder if I should have had the silk brocade instead of the lace

Betsy Ross: Lace, brocade...

George Washington: Hey, these antique military buttons worked out real nice, huh

Betsy Ross: Well, I’m glad...

George Washington: Or should I have taken the mother-of-pearl?

Betsy Ross: We’ve been all through this, George. You wouldn’t want the mother-of-pearl. Once you had ‘em on, you’d hate ‘em

George Washington: Yeah, but on the other hand...

Betsy Ross: Look, I made ya a spiffy little blazer there. You got the lace on the cuffs and the antique military buttons and the gold epaulets and the emblem on the pocket-

George Washington: All right...

Betsy Ross: Now why don’t you look at the flag, huh?

George Washington: All right, all right!

Betsy Ross: Just a minute. Let me bite the thread off here

George Washington: Well, snap it up. Spread it out on your lap there and we’ll…heh, heh. You, uh, having a little fun at your country’s expense, here, huh?

Betsy Ross: How’s that?

George Washington: You kidding with these colors? Red, white and blue?

Betsy Ross: Well, those are the only remnants I had around the…

George Washington: Wait a minute! Stars? I deliberately said polka-dots

Betsy Ross: Huh?

George Washington: Stars with stripes? How does that work together, design-wise?

Betsy Ross: Alright, you want to be the big man and put on the thimble, huh?

George Washington: No, it’s just…

Betsy Ross: Then how’s about you let me run the flag department and you run the army like a nice father of our country, okay?

George Washington: I know, but-

(singing)
Look at the colors you chose
The best you could do, I suppose
A peppermint stripe with royal blue
The same as the British colors, too
Now how will we tell whose side is who?
Look at the colors you chose
Why couldn't it have been puce?
Lavender over chartreuse
Or possibly some exotic shade
A delicate orange, mauve, or jade
Instead of the choice that has been made
Why couldn't it have been possibly cinnamon?

Betsy Ross (singing):
Everybody wants to be an art director
Everybody wants to call the shots (Washington: Yeah, well...)
Everybody wants to be a flag dissector
Changing all my stars to polka dots
Everybody thinks that they're the final word
On what is strictly out and what is in
How'd you like a banner made of pea green spots
On simulated leopard skin
Or possibly a flag that features fleur-de-lis
On ocher corrugated tin?

(speaking)
George Washington: I’d like it. How soon can you make one up?

Betsy Ross: Come on, there’s your flag. Take it or leave it

George Washington: All right. Say, what’s this little ticket here, just fell out: “Inspected by Number 28?”

Betsy Ross: That’s me

George Washington: Oh, yeah

Betsy Ross: You want it on a hanger?

George Washington: No, I’ll just run it up the flagpole, see if anybody salutes

Betsy Ross: Okay

George Washington: I guess it’s better than “Don’t Tread on Me.”

Betsy Ross: Certainly. Besides, a hundred years from now, what the heck difference will it make?

George Washington: I guess you’re right. Come on, men!

(fanfare)