El Capitan, Act III: “When some serious affliction”

[DON MEDIGUA]
When some serious affliction
Makes you seem uncommon blue
Such as heroes meet in fiction
At the end of volume two
At misfortune snap your finger
Fill with wine your flagon high
And your pangs will only linger
'Til the jug runs dry

Then adieu to care
In the wine so rare
Let us vow the rascal to drown
We will stir his blood
In a rosy flood
And we'll toss the medicine down
Let the corks pop, pop
To the last gold drop
As we toast the pleasures to come
With a hip, hurrah
And a skip, tra-la
And a glass 'twixt finger and thumb

There is comfort too
When a friend's with you
Together you clink your mugs
And soon forget
That you had met
An incubus called the bugs
If you haven't a sou
To pay your due
You merrily laugh and sing
For seen through the drink
A purse without chink
Is the funniest kind of thing

But if your friend is unpleasantly critical
Or if you differ in matters political
Or in grammar, astronomy, political 'conomy
Heathen mythology, draw poker-ology
Something sufficiently weighty to ripple
The friendship eternal you swore o'er your tipple

Then adieu to care
In the wine so rare
Let us vow the rascal to drown
We will stir his blood
In a rosy flood
And we'll toss the medicine down
Let the corks pop, pop
To the last gold drop
As we toast the pleasures to come
With a hip, hurrah
And a skip, tra-la
And a glass 'twixt finger and thumb

But a notion soon will strike you
That your friend will now dislike you
That his love has flown forever
That's the climax of your woes
So you look across the table
Just as straight as you are able
And with bitter tears apologize
For pummeling his nose

Then adieu to care
In the wine so rare
Let us vow the rascal to drown
We will stir his blood
In a rosy flood
And we'll toss the medicine down
Let the corks pop, pop
To the last gold drop
As we toast the pleasures to come
With a hip, hurrah
And a skip, tra-la
And a glass 'twixt finger and thumb