Copenhagen

[Verse One]
Seat 14C Swiss Air
On the way to Copenhagen from Baden Switzerland
My favorite hotel in Scandinavia is there
They know me by name
They say, “Well hello Mr. Kozelek
Of course your courtyard room is ready
We’ve already added your extra pillows and blankets”
Last night’s show in Baden got me very sad and
Even the promoter said the audience was not fully concentrated
But after the show a woman approached me
And said, “Hey I think your voice is nice”
I said, “Thank God for that ‘cause other than that I don’t have a lot of options of thing to do in life”
I asked what she did for work there in Baden
She said she work with kids who needed help with speech development
I said “I remember those kids from my Elementary School”
Someone would come by and knock on the door and excuse them from the room
She said, “I know it’s still the same way and when they leave the room some of the kids laugh at them”
I said, “That stuff can scar you for life
I’ve got my own scars from my high school remedial reading classes
And I’ve carried them around an inferiority complex
Will amount to the amount of my success no matter how many people tell me how talented I am, I still carry around that stigma
I still feel like the dumb kid in the remedial reading class”
So on and on we went with our conversation
It was blatant flirtation on her end though
It could have been my imagination
She said, “It’s freezing out here; what are you doing later tonight?”
Said, “Going to my hotel. Why? What are you doing later tonight?”
She said, “You see this guy here standing next to me?
I’m going home with him; I’m his wife”
And we laughed and I said, “You asked me first
It’s not like I asked you to bed down with me tonight”
Let’s be clear I said “I was just asking, 'What are you doing later tonight’ ”
She said “Your interest are in what my plans are after one o’clock in the morning?”
I said, “Look, you asked me first”
And then we laughed and I hugged them goodbye
And I said, “I better get inside before I get pneumonia”

[Verse Two]
So here we are on our way to Copenhagen
In that city for whatever reasons I’ve had the most threesomes
But lots of girls come to Copenhagen from trains from far away places
And the line that I always use is exactly the same
I said, “I got a cozy bed back at my hotel that will fit three”
And they said, “Mmm, okay. Let’s go”
My visits there have been brief
And the threesomes are the fondest memories
But the most tender is my first memory of ever coming here
I was standing Malmö right across the water
We took a ferry to Copenhagen
I met a girl outside a Chinese restaurant
I asked her if she liked to join my band for dinner
And three days later she hitchhiked all the way to Hultsfred form her hometown of Mala
That was 1997 and 20 years have past
And she’s got a child and a husband
And I’m happy to say she’s still one of my very dear friends
I’m still on this plane to Copenhagen
And when I get there I hope the snow is falling
It calms my nerves to watch it fall from my courtyard window
And I hope the canals are frozen
I prefer to see the bikes stuck in the ice
People cycle too fast on the bikes
Jesus Christ, Scandinavians' mother fucking bikes
It’s hard to explain all of you
Because for you, your bikes are a common thing
Bicycles moving so fast is not a common thing for me to deal with or for me to see
I’m always jet-lagged and edgy and sleep deprived on tour traveling from city to city
But my life is pretty good overall
So about my issues with your bicycles, upon me, take no pity
I’m gonna tell you something from the bottom of my heart
I’m not lying; my favorite place to tour is Scandinavia and that’s a fact
The trains are peaceful the scenery is serene
The promoters are honest and they always put in the Scandi
And your English skills are fantastic
And your eye’s are are all cat-lined, spell-binding, hypnotic
Yea, so this plane’s about to land and I’m looking forward to this show in Copenhagen
I need to close my eyes and spend five minutes tuning out in my loneliness
That’s all I got to say that’s all I’m saying that’s all I’m saying
My eyes are now fading
But I’m looking forward to playing tomorrow night in Copenhagen
And yea I’m older now and I won’t end up in a threesome
I’ll end up back in my hotel after the show in my middle aged lonesome
Which is better for me ‘cause I need my sleep
It’s just nice to call my girlfriend and tell her I love her and hear her say that she loves me too
But if I may gloat for just a moment
Somebody told me in 1999 that I was indie rock's answer to Wilt Chamberlain
Back then I was 32, what he said was probably true
Back then I was getting more pussy than all the guys in Mew if they lived 20 lifetimes times two
Now I can barely get it up
And I’m just happy to be singing up here for you
To be honest my dick doesn’t get hard as often anymore
Is this too much information?
What’s concerning for me with all those Viagra commercials I used to ignore
Now I’m starting to pay attention

[Verse Three]
I think the woman next to me on the plane
Thinks I’m a crazy man writing my long crazy man scroll
I just stop for a second to ask if she’d ever seen the Norwegian boy from Trolls
She said, “Excuse me sir, I don’t feel like talking right now; I’m very tired”
I said, “Okay I understand, I'm sorry, but if you only knew who the fuck I am”
She said, “Excuse me sir, your tone is very aggressive”
I’m fucking with ya’ll right now
This conversation never even happened
Now for real I’m putting away my crazy man scroll
This plane’s about to land
I got to get up to use the bathroom
Anyhow thank you for coming out to tonight’s show in Copenhagen
When I was a kid, some kids liked Skoal but I preferred Copenhagen when it came to my snuff
Anyhow thank you again for coming out tonight to our show
I know what you’re thinking this song’s been long enough
But I can’t go away without giving a shoutout to your great ex-boy boxer Brian Nielsen
Look he will stop our boy from Evander Holyfield, Iron Mike Tyson
Let’s give it up for Denmark’s Brian Nielsen
He wasn’t much of a fighter
But he had the heart of a lion, Brian Nielsen
So lets give it up for Denmark’s Brian Nielsen
So lets give it up for Denmark’s Brian Nielsen