This Is My Dinner

Arrived last night to the dark city of Oslo
Along the highway to the hotel, Ben pointed out the snow
I stepped outside, and the cold air pinched my nose
I recalled the many times I’ve come here before to play shows in Oslo
And in all of those times there are so many positive associations
Even playing the So What Club with my old band, the Red House Painters
And my times playing here solo acoustic
There was always a tall redheaded guy following me around
The King of Convenience

And I remember taking off from the venue with a blonde
And her boyfriend came knocking on the back door
Out for my blood
And she sent me out the front door fast
And I went running down the cold street
Watching over my shoulder, my heart was pounding fast
I was worried for my life
And I was young and I was single and I have no regrets about it
When you're in your twenties, in my opinion, nothing should be off limit
I don't really know what her boyfriend's problem even was
It's not like something threatening was going on
She was just jerkin' me off while I watched her suck my thumb

The most memorable drive I ever had in my life was from Bergen to Oslo
There were no signs of life
Now and then, just a single bird or a boat
And the ominous silver-black mountains
Off in the distance along the water
And in that moment I knew why Norway had the market on black metal
I’m pretty sure the movie Trolls was filmed in that area, from what I can remember
But its scenic beauty could never be captured in pictures
Every time I play in Norway, it's been a special time
I played all the cities in Norway
Not just Bergen and Oslo, but also Trondheim
Actually, there are a few that I don’t love that much if you'll allow me to be candid
The city of Tønsberg and the city of Stavanger
Too many dudes with their eyes glued to their phones
I remember telling them the importance of relationships
But it seemed low on their priority lists

My worst memory of Norway was playing a festival in Giske
I got a call that my cat lost her ability to walk
And she was very sick
And I loved that cat more than anything in the world
She shared my bed with me for sixteen years
She was my little baby girl
So I booked a flight out of the island of Giske
With hopes of getting home in time to see my kitty cat
Before she took her last breath
The whole thing was so upsetting
And the anxiety was building up so badly on the plane
And I kept writing in my journal, “Please Pink, don't die on me
Please Pink don't die on me
Please Pink don't die on me when I'm up there in the sky
I'll hate myself forever if I could not kiss you goodbye”
But she waited for me, when I got to my house
She was laying there lifeless on the couch
I told her how much she meant to me, and all the joy she had given me
If there's a god up there, I pray to him that she heard me

And of course, how could I forget my visits to dreamlike Ålesund
Everyone asks me, “Mark, who’s the girl in the song?”
She knows who she is, and to reveal it would spoil it
Leave the song alone, don't ask questions about it
Leave the song alone, make your own connections with it
Leave the song alone, don't ever try to overanalyze it
Leave the song alone, don't dissect it like a dead frog
Leave the song alone

I got a lot of friends in Norway
And I have to say my heart was broken when I heard about the guy who bombed Oslo
And killed the little children on their summer vacation
People in America complained about his sentence being so light
But this shit happens every week in my country
So your country is doing something right
I hate to bring this subject up
‘Cause it causes my stomach to get sick and uptight
My point is that Norway is peaceful
And you’re doing something right
I love so many things about Norway, and how they do Christmas right
The candelabra in the window, it's so subtle at night
When I tell Scandinavians how good they've got it
They just roll their eyes and say
“But it’s so dark through the winter and it gets very depressing”

I'm gonna tell you something, Norway, and this is no lie
I've traveled all around the world and Norwegians have the most beautiful eyes
The only thing I know that had more beautiful eyes than you
Was my precious little cat, her eyes were green and blue
I miss you to death, but I want to thank promoter Bernt Jacobs
My friend from Norway
He's a caring and very thoughtful person
He’s the one who arranged the flight to San Francisco for me
Out of the island of Giske
So I could get home and see my cat and give her one last kiss

And I even remember a time when I played this exact same venue
Some guy in the back seat got up and shouted
“Mark, I got something to tell you”
I said, “Okay, what is it?” and he said, “I hate your fucking guts”
And he rushed off in a huff
I told him, “When you leave and you’re crossing the street, I hope you get hit by a bus”
You gotta understand, he insulted me first
And on tour, I don't sleep much
You gotta understand what I said, that was not me
We all have our moments and that guy was sniffing glue
And I was high on sleep deprivation
Anyhow, I'm over it, I love you all and that's no lie
Of all the countries I've played
Yours is the most organized

And the fjords are so beautiful and the salmon melts in your mouth
And the girls are so stunning
Even the three I met in Stavanger, down south
There is one I'll never forget, how could I not remember?
She promoted my show and she showed me a Snickers bar
And she said, “I’m so fucking broke, this is my dinner"
I said, “If you like, I could give you a few hundred of my Norwegian kroner”
She said, “No ethically, I couldn’t take your money, Mark”
And that was the last time that I ever saw her

And my very favorite memory of Norway was playing the Garage in Bergen
There was an old man running the place named Dennis and we got to talking
He had a contagious smile
And we shared a bottle of sparkling water and a loaf of bread
It really wasn't much of a conversation
It was more like a one-sided monologue from Dennis
And I listened very close
‘Cause Dennis was older and wiser than me
I believe his last name is Reksten
He doesn't have Facebook and neither do I
So if you see him, please tell him Mark Kozelek said “Hi, and God bless him”
And thank you Oslo and Norway for coming out tonight
We’re happy to be here
Playing music for you on this cold November night
Sharing music with you, this is what I dreamed of all my life