Pirelli's Miracle Elixir (feat. Manoel Felciano)

Tobias:
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, perlease?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken at ease.
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare.
Gentlemen, you are about to see
Something wot rose from the dead!
On the top of my head.

Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen,
I was suddenly struck with
A rare Oriental disease.
Though the finest physicians in London were called,
I awakened one morning amazed and appalled
To discover with dread that my head was as bald
As novice's knees.
I was dying of shame
Till a gentleman came,
And illustrious barber,
Pirelli my name.
He gave me a liquid as precious as gold,
I rubbed it in daily like wot I was told,
And behold!
Less than thirty days old!

‘Twas Pirelli's
Miracle elixir,
That's wot did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!

How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed.
Company:
Go ahead and tug, sir. Penny buys a bottle, I don't know.
Go ahead, sir, harder. You don't need—
Ah, let's go!
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir,
'Tis unique.
Rub a minute.
Stimulatin', i'n' it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!

Gently dab it.
Gets to be a habit.
Soon there'll be enough, sir,
Somebody can grab it.
See that chap with
Hair like Shelley's?
You can tell 'e's
Used Pirelli's.

Company:
Let me have a bottle.
Make that two.

Mrs. Lovett:
Pardon me, sir,
What's that awful stink?

Todd:
Smells to me like piss
And looks like ink.

[The next six parts are sung simultaneously]

Tobias:
Go ahead and feel, Mum,
Absolutely real, Mum.

Todd & Lovett:
Smells to me like piss
And looks like ink.

Anthony & Beggar Woman:
How about a beer?
You know a pub?
There's one close by.

Johanna & Judge Turpin:
I could get some for Harry.
Pass it by.

Beadle:
Nothing works for Harry, dear.
Bye bye.

Pirelli:
I'm just passing by.

Tobias:
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle elixir.
Anything wot's sick, sir,
Soon sprouts curls.
Try Pirelli's
When they see how thick, sir,
You can have your pick, sir,
Of the girls!

See Pirelli's
Miracle elixir
Grow a little wick, sir,
Then some fuzz.
The Pirelli's
Soon'll make it thick, sir,
Like a good elixir
Always does!

Trust Pirelli's
If your hair is sick, sir,
Fix it in the nick, sir,
Don't look grim.
Just Pirelli's
Miracle elixir,
That'll do the trick, sir—

Company:
What about the money?

Tobias:
If you've got it a kick, sir—

Company:
What about the money?
Where is this Pirelli?
Go and get Pirelli!

Tobias: Company:
Tell it to the mixer What about the money?
Of the miracle elixir— Where is this Pirelli?
If you've got a kick, sir—