Are You Proud of Me

This one of those beats that I could get lost in
And talk about how this life is exhausting
Or how I'm afraid of falling
Distanced myself so I haven't been calling often
Part of me keeps telling myself it's just a precaution
But it's just the way of life until loved ones end up in coffins
I learned this lesson, I learned this lesson
That's why my mind is racing, I'm stuck here watching this wall spin
It's hard to go hard when my heart is softened
Your life was taken and mine was spared
What would it be like if you was still here and I was there?
How would I act if God was to tell me my time is near?
Only guarantee in life is death so I'm kind of scared, to be honest with you
I ain't making the best decisions
Not every move I'm making is made with the best intentions
And yeah I'm far from perfect but I'm tired of overusing that excuse
Who am I to complain when most of my time is misused?
So I wonder

Crazy thing about stars is they don't shine until they die
Crazy how people go before you get to say goodbye
Crazy how you could look at a person right in their eyes
And not even know that next week you be asking yourself why
As you stand over a casket, questioning what's real
Cause you can't believe what just happened, this all just seemed way too drastic
I mean, I know it's life and everything ain't always gucci
But dawg, this feel like something that's straight up out of a movie, forreal
And I'm sick of wishing and hoping
I feel like as of late I'm just going through all the motions
How selfish of me trying to be more than a waste of life
This for my uncle locked up in the pen and facing life
I miss you and wish that you could be here to see this
Even if it doesn't touch the ears and reach us
Just know, no matter what I'm gonna be great because I have to
If I wrote that letter I was supposed to I would've asked you

Some days I look in the mirror and God I ask myself
I'm still learning
Some days I look at the sky, can't help but wonder
Gotta make ya proud