Charlie's Inferno

(Here lies Charlie)
(You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone)

He kept his showers ice cold
Used eco-friendly lightbulbs
Rode his bicycle to work when the gasoline price rose
He'd judge with no pretense, fish on the weekends
Each morning, get up, do the Pledge of Allegiance

Never swim in the ocean, for fear of shark attacks
Bi-monthly get his wife a rose with a card attached
Avoiding all the little things that were hard to ask
Had a car crash, cardiac arrest, died of a heart attack

Up the golden escalator, all his friends and neighbors
Huddled there in prayer around the respirator
Catch you later, I'm off to see the man upstairs!
They all look like ants from here
Stars and crystal chandeliers

There was an angel at the entrance
Checking off a guest list
Charlie wasn't on it and was ushered to the exit
His heart sank, he was breathless

Excuse me, sir!
There must be someone you've confused me for
If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform
I go to church on Sunday, truly, usually more!
Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door

Excuse me, sir!
There must be someone you've confused me for
If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform
I go to church on Sunday, truly usually more!
Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door

Abandon all hope, all ye who enter

It was a horrifying sign but sounded like a neat adventure
Far beyond the halos and the castles in the clouds
Fatsos squealing, shackled with some apples in their mouths
Attention whores in padded bras hanging from extension cords
Tortured with the products from their favorite catalogs

Here, we buy and sell a million kinds of Hell
Imagination is the limit to the devil's clientele

Up a dingy elevator, no televised debate
Will save you from the Hell you paid for
Sorry buddy, smell you later

Side-stepped fate
Went right for the gate
But you know the devil, he loves a good chase!

There was a demon at the entrance, making Xs on a checklist
Who would kick you in the ass when you begged him for repentance
Those tempted by the senses with the cruelest of intentions
Charlie's heart sank, he was breathless

Excuse me, sir!
There must be someone you've confused me for
If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform
I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before
Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door

Excuse me, sir!
There must be someone you've confused me for
If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform
I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before
Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door

You can run from your demons until you are exhausted
One day you will have to stop and find out what they wanted
Keep on running from those demons until you are exhausted

You can run to those angels until you are exhausted
One day you will have to stop and question what they wanted
Keep on running to those angels until you are exhausted

Excuse me, sir!
There must be someone you've confused me for
If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform
I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before
(I don't want to die) (Please don't let me die)

Excuse me, sir!
There must be someone you've confused me for
If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform
I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before
(I don't want to die) (Please don't let me die)