Slower Than Christmas

[Verse 1]
Dysfunctional belles, dysfunctional balls
The folks in my family, well, they just beat all
They put me through hell when they deck the halls
They even send Santy Claus climbing up the walls

[Chorus]
There's no day slower than Christmas to me, it seems to last half the year
It's supposed to be something sent straight from heaven, but it's not to me, it's the day of hell

[Verse 2]
Mama with her wreath and daddy with his wrath
And Granny eating with no teeth and my sister's mangy cats
A hundred ignorant cousins with their pointy headed hats
Have driven me as crazy as a hundred shit house rats

[Chorus]
There's no day slower than Christmas to me, it seems to last half the year
It's supposed to be something sent straight from heaven, but it's not to me, it's the day of hell

[Outro]
There's no day slower than Christmas
There's no day slower than Christmas
There's no day slower than Christmas
There's no day slower than Christmas