Uncle Bernard

[Intro (spoken)]
[Britney] Eh, uncle Bernard?
[Bernard] What's that Britney, my beautiful niece?
[Britney] Eh, what was it like growin' up in Lancashire all those years ago?
[Bernard] Well, in a song similar to one off the first album, let me tell ya

[Verse 1]
Growin' up in Lancashire were the best
Watchin' Rambo on pirate VHS
Back to the Future 2
Sylvester McCoy were Doctor Who
To be honest, he weren't very good

Strummin' away learning guitar wi' me Plectrum
Or risk go skiing on me ZX Spectrum
Sinitta and Jive Bunny
Lenny Henry, well, he was still funny
That was a long time ago

[Chorus]
Uncle Bernard, you're my favourite relation (Aww, that's very sweet of ya)
But are you sure you've been taking your medication (Well, Gaviscon, yeah)
Uncle Bernard, uncle Bernard, we don't wish to sound mean (Well don't!)
But this sounds like one of Peter Kay's routines (You cheeky little blighter!)

[Verse 2]
Pat Sharp's hair wasn't so ridiculous
Freddy Mercury's 'tash weren't that conspicuous (Nobody knew back then!)
MTV was still showin' vids
You could still leave Michael Jackson wi' yer kids
It seems like a lifetime ago

No such thing as wireless networks or USB hubs
Believe it or not, you could still smoke in pubs (Can remember)
Everyone loved Samantha Fox (Phwoar)
Michael Barrymore was still allowed on the box
Oh, that'll never happen again

[Chorus]
Uncle Bernard (Yes?)
Please don't hate us (Well, how can I? Look at your little faces)
But you sound like you're on I love the 80s (Ooh, you'll feel the back of my hand in a minute)
Uncle Bernard, uncle Bernard, you're rambling (I don't think I am)
Does auntie Jean know about your drinking and your gambling? (Woah, you just leave your auntie Jean out of this, right)

[Outro]
Uncle Bernard (Yes?)
Uncle Bernard (Aww!)
Uncle Bernard (Ho-ho! Cheeky!)
Uncle Bernard (Oh hey! What's happened there Britney? Something's dropped)