Stars

How is it that I should look at the stars? I drove out in the desert in a rental car. And I climb up on the roof and lie in wait. For my eyes to adjust. For some peaceful state. When I was a child, my mother would send me outside, on a moonless night, to receive the light cast out in some ancient storm. With a woollen blanket to keep me warm. So overwhelmed by the beauty of the stars. How could I not be? But, how should I look at the stars tonight? At a million suns? None of them mine. Nowhere up there is a place like this. Not one waterfall, no river mist. I felt dizzy, my chest clenched cold and tight. It'll be 2020 tomorrow night. From Salton City, I hear fireworks go off. As though they're celebrating all another year has cost. Or is it carelessness? Send another star into the sky. Only to watch it die. Fall across the black in a shining arc. I swear to god this world will break my heart.