Comedy Routine (Live)

[Spoken Word: Tony Bennett, Milton Berle, Mickey Rooney & Danny Thomas]
Thank you for coming by, [?]
Anybody who gets this microphone gets a royalty of this record
Did you know that?
Anybody who holds this microphone, speaks into it beside myself gets a royalty
Thought you'd never call on me
How 'bout Tony tonight? Wasn't he wonderful?
Come on, let's hear it
You, you, it's for you, it's for you
Is the, uh, Ralph? Wonderful, was Ralph, uh, Shermon? Sharon?
If the tape is still on, I'd like to say that
I've never heard Tony Bennett sing any greater than he sang tonight
I really mean that sincerely
Boys, you can figure out that line
I never heard him any bеtter than years tonight
Th-therе's three ways of taking that, you know
That's right, uh, I don't wanna bore you with a lot of wonderful material
But I do wanna tell you that I am very glad that you invited all us here tonight
All-all us here tonight, how do you like that?
My nose is fixed, now my mouth don't work, uh
I've been telling jokes for years, I've done three hours at one session, but I'm—
How many songs did you sing tonight? How many would you sing?
Thirty-five
You know what it's sounding like? Would you believe it? In this—eighty
And the boys, pretty bad, now, now, really a wonderful band
They don't play slow, they don't play fast, you're sorta have fast
And I thought, we got a hell of a crowd on be for now
And now, you got some more to do
You want to introduce some people here?
You know, you got any houselights here?
Stan, uh, put up the houselights
That's better, I know, I don't need you, pal
I'm working on it, haha, think loud month
I know, I just got this message, Danny Thomas is in here already
Oh, is he? Danny, Danny, let's have Danny stand up
Danny Thomas, ladies and gentlemen, where are ya? Danny
Come up here, baby, come up here, Danny
The hell of ya got a plan, [?] music, Ralph?
There'll be no room up here with these two noses
I heard that, hello, Mickey, where is he?
You are looking at two of the greatest performers in the world
Neither of us had our noses fixe, ha, but he did
Mickey, come on up here, come on, come on, let's look at ya
Let's talk about ya, come up anyways
There's a street
Needless to say, without trying to be comedic
These two giants up here, uh, probably a lot of you, of many
A few of you have seen me for the first time
I know this might pleasure to have met you for the first time, Tony
Uh, I'm a tremendous fan of yours as most everyone is here tonight
There is electricity in this particular room because of your singing
It's magnificent, and, ahem, uh
Accolade after accolade could be piled upon you, I'm certain
But a lot of people as I got up here tonight, I felt as though they
They might have a question, might be on their mind
They might say to themselves, "How short is he?" You know?
Well I'm about three hundred thousand short, that's what I am
What else? Hold up
Know the fact is that coming up here, Tony
I might as well admit it, I came up on a, on an airplane
That was a little old, I would, I would say it was a load, I
I saw a movie magazine in the plane and it had a picture
Of Elizabeth Taylor and Mike Wilding on it, you understand?
Ahahaha, yes, it had a picture of me and Ava Gardner on it, dancing
May I say, all clowning aside, ladies and gentlemen
That I think that we will, uh, repeat as [?] usually does
That we witnessed, a one of the greatest performers
May I ask you something?
How numbers, how many numbers on the table, they're gonna, uh, record?
Well we ran out of tape about a half hour ago, haha
Well, let's start a new one and sing for another hour, how 'bout it, hah?
God bless you
Milton Berle, ladies and gentlemen