Letter

Look, I'm sorry I was hurt today
I never meant to make you feel the way you did every time that you talked to me
It took some time to separate myself
I need your help
But now you're gone so Imma have to wait
I may never see your face again
In fact I don't believe that I will, cause I don't carry faith
If it's as religion says
Guess that I'd be wrong along with you
But then we'd get a second date
I'm sorry that I'm what I ain't
That every time I think of you is in the rain
I fucking hate
Thinking about how we parted ways
Cause more than part of me will always get in such a state
When they mention your name
Even out of context or just in a phrase
I couldn't fathom that your hourglass was grains away
If this was how it was meant to turn out, then I despise fate

Never got to tell you, but one of my first songs
Was about you
And I still write bars
To try and doubt truth
One of my big scars
Is in my head too
Still want you to come through
Look at me
If you were to see me now
Would you look down
Stare at the ground
Or would you shout
And tell me get the fuck out your sight
I think you'd be right to call me out
Cause nobody compared
Just cause you lost your hair
Your spirit was still there and even now I feel you in my bed
Telling me to rest
Like you did when I was texting you back in the past
I mean I knew it'd never last
But nevertheless
The fact that you were in my life
And showed me the best
Of what it had to offer I was blessed
Helped me when my momma was supposedly on meth

I'd look at your face but it's so fake now
Running in one place tryna find out my soul mate, clouds
Fucking up myself think it's me, that needs change
Wander in the cold while we playing with snow flakes
I spent too long not writing it out of my mental background
Almost broke down, but don't know how
The guilt I been feeling is getting too loud
I hope that what I've written bout would make you proud

I don't know if I'm the same that I was anymore
I'm bored of living with myself now
Walk around with a hole in my head
I'm sore, I'm tired and my feet drag me down
I think of you in the subway
Bus ride, see the dead eyes looking my way
Walk around with a fake face
Foresight of the next life coming my way