Dear John

Cold sweat
Chill in the air, heat in my chest
I'd been
Chained to my bed
Weighed down by all of the consequences of sleeping with him
The ghost in my head
I know you struggled with my decisions, my reactions,
and all the mindless things I did
To fill the void, to heal the pain
To put the anxious thoughts to rest
And this is not the way I thought that my life would turn out to be
But it's fine

Came crawling to you
When my knees were bruised
Tears glued to my eyes
It's easy to choose
To make an excuse
Blood is not for life

We met
When I was out, out on the edge
Deep end
Living alone, lost all of my friends
Pale skin, I am the shell of who I was
Glad that we met, or I might be dead
I know you struggled with my decisions, my refusal
to take my life into my hands
My admittance, and all the anger sitting right inside my chest
And this is not the way I thought that my life would turn out to be
But it's fine

Came crawling to you
When my knees were bruised
Tears glued to my eyes
It's easy to choose
To make an excuse
Blood is not for life
My lips could not speak
I struggled to breathe
I was bones and blood
You saw all of me
While wearing my grief
I was so far gone

I can fight this, I can fight this
I can fight this to the death
I am hopeless, I am hopeless
I'm afraid that this won't end
No no no

Came crawling to you
When my knees were bruised
Tears glued to my eyes
It's easy to choose
To make an excuse
Blood is not for life
My lips could not speak
I struggled to breathe
I was bones and blood
You saw all of me
While wearing my grief
I was so far gone