Jobs I Had Before I Got Rich & Famous

[Verse 1]
Mowing lawns, saving up for a guitar
When I was fifteen and long and lean
And just like that grass, boy, I was green
Delivering roses in Washington D.C
Going off to college so I had to save up
But delivering roses really sucks
Sweating all summer in a slimy tux
But at least I made a couple bucks

[Verse 2]
Freshman in college I was delivering pizza
But to deliver one pie was a half an hour round trip
And college kids, man, they don’t tip
So I quit and it was their loss
‘Cause I was the only driver not stealing from the boss
And siphoning gas from students cars

[Verse 3]
Metropolitan Museum at the telephone switchboard
When a caller would ask for Philippe de Montebello
I’d transfer to my apartment where an unsuspecting fellow
My roommate Stewart, so sound asleep
Would answer the phone when he heard the beep
Pretty quick they’d realize that he wasn’t Philippe

[Verse 4]
Information counter at the Cloisters Museum
And one day Billy Joel walks in
I take a long, long look at him
A dignified old music man
And that’s when I devised my plan

[Verse 5]
And that little plan has brought me here
Where the spotlight shines and the people all cheer
And the pretty girls flock from far and near
To touch my hand and hear my song
And buy my t-shirts and sing along
Goddamn, this sure beats mowing lawns