Does it Amaze Thee?

All the ways I think I'm a man
I'm still just a boy and
Every time I think I have a plan
The road ahead gets destroyed
I'm chewing off the skin from my fingernails
Hoping some half-studied drug is gonna tip the scales
Am I just hyper-motivated or a masochist?
I'd take a tub filled with bleach over a life with this
Staring at a stucco ceiling I just can't stop
Feeling like I'm falling back on every little thought-crime
It worked out for me big time thinking on the old life
Back when I was always very thirsty
Now gaining weight and thirty
I'm getting pretty thirsty, thirsty, thirsty

If I was just crazy
We could work through things in good time, but I'm too lazy
So it's back to the couch where I find my days get hazy
Watching lives I'm thankful ain't mine
Does it amaze thee that I can be this banged up and still thrive?

Every inch of ground I think I've gained
Comes at a much steeper grade
I've lost my place for the hundredth time today
So I re-read the same page
I'm wiping off blood from my fingernails
Because I bit too much as the thought prevailed
And the words that dissolved my mental dam
Is this all I want or all I am?
I wish that I could just stop wishing I was punk rock
I hear every tick-tock
Counting down to stressing over grey hairs
Interviews at day-cares
Wishing I was still where everything was dirty clothes and knapsacks
Spot me for a six-pack
I could never go back
I will never go

Too much everything, everywhere, all the time