The Past Is The Past

[Verse 1]
I've been waiting for 30 years now
And there's nothing you can't do to make me unproud
Somehow I managed to meet a girl like your mum
Who could make me a dad
And I promise to do better then mine who was scum
He would call me a waste of space
He'd beat me and say pain is a bad thing
Sorry, just thinking of him makes me mad
But I promise to make you glad
I'll get behind you, no matter what you wanna do
Whether that's sing or make someone feel like a king
I'm writing this here because I don't want you
To know what I've been through
I'll always be true with you
See, my father never wanted a child
Especially a boy who he knew would replace him one day
But due to this it was hard for me to smile
We were broke and he thought I was just in the way
Smacking me and nan is what he would call play
I don't know why she stayed
She constantly lived in fear
And would pretend she couldn't hear
Him fucking many hoes
Until their relationship closed
Due to one night where her head exploded like the twin towers
She shot herself after slicing he's throat
That day made me realize how life can change in hours
And that's why I don't want you to be in the same boat
But if you fall off then you wouldn't flout
Because I've got you
Just remember I'll guide us through
I love you

[Verse 2]
Sorry, I haven't spoke to ya in 3 days
But yesterday I missed an opportunity
I was too busy being at your birth
My companies been hurt
But I said I'd do anything for you
Even if that means moving to the next city or two
At the moment I can't give you the perfect life
But a new life comes with a price
Although this hasn't been the best start
I know your'll have a golden heart
And smart
These are my expectations
And you'll do well cause of my connections
I know you won't let me down
I mean you were practically born with a crown
I don't want you to reach my lows
Like being told you're a clown
I want you to reach the highest of heights
Because in my life I had no shinning light
But I know you'll shine bright
More then the moon in the night
I apologize for putting you under pressure
But I just want you to do better
I want to be your mood setter
And that's going to be happiness
I promise never to be heartless
Just remember, I'll always be there
And make it so you never live in fear
I'll make it so you have a great career
And not a shit one like rap
But I've always got your back
Just remember I'll guide us through
I love you

[Verse 3]
I know it's been 3 years
But a lot of shits happened
And it's because of you I spend every night in tears
You have disappointed me so much
I am saddened
I had high expectations for you
But I don't trust
You to reach them
After all I went through
You were gonna be my gem
But look at ya, you're three
And you still can't walk
Your mum tells me this is how life is superpose to be
I have to write this down because I can't stand to talk
The worst thing happened, I hit her today
My logic was there was no other way
I'm constantly sweating
And I'm up to 6 whiskeys a day
I've been told I need to start laughing
But whats the point when your son is slow as shit
I always want to walk around with my wrists slit
Your mum's not helping with lines like "I'm leaving you"
I feel like I should care
But apparently I have tones of issues
See, before you came along, I was a millionaire
But you've ruined my life
Now I just sit in a dark room
Doing coke and drinking
It's where I'm happiest, out of sight, it's nice
I used to say you would shine brighter then the moon
But you've heavily disappointed me, god knows what I was thinking
Just remember
Ah fuck it

[Verse 4]
It's been nearly 13 years since we've spoke
But I completely forgot about you
He found what I said all those years a go
And he thinks I'm a joke
I'm still addicted to coke
I tried to
Make amends but he doesn't want to know
And I don't know what to do
He's album came out yesterday
But I can't bring myself to listen to it
I just want to lock myself away
Especially since he got hit
It pains me that I'll never see him again
I always wanted a son to call my friend
But I regret everything I said
And there's a lot of stuff going through my head
Mainly dread
And that fact that my little boy is dead
I apologize to my ex wife, I should have never slapped her
I also said, never be a rapper
This isn't me apologizing to Chazer
This is a father beginning for forgiveness
I had the plan to give you the perfect Christmas
But instead I want to praise ya
Unfortunately, no ones gonna see this note
I tried to end my life by alcohol
But it's not working, I plan to use the rope
I mean this is my fault after all
I just want to say one last thing
Chazer, you're dreaming, I would never say this
I still hate you, I think you're shit
I'll soon be in hell laughing
Now it's time to wake up from this coma
See, you can imagine these things
But remember this is only your dream
I'll never forgive you
You're the reason I drank
Cause if we review
I was happy before you came along
And because of you my life sank
But I tried to stay strong
But you took too long
I'm nearly dead and remember this is your fault
That I was done for assault
You snitched
You little bitch
You're on top of the world now
So enjoy it
It'll end, so take a bow
I'm recording this is my car
And know what's exactly going through your head
But that's so far
From reality, where you lay in bed
6 feet down
In the ground
And soon, I won't be found
As I speed up towards the ocean
And I refuse to show emotion
However I would like to thank your killer
I would be but he was quicker
Well, looks like my time is nearly up
The marathon of life was fun to run

[Verse 5]
So, clearly you had a lot of things to say
Well, all you need to know is I'm here to stay
Yes, I was slow in the beginning
But know I'm finally winning
You're someone who talks about me failing
But a father isn't superposed to be known for bailing
They're superposed to be known for trailblazing
But I didn't need your raising
I never understood the things you did
As a school kid, I used to think I was stupid
I had a lot of doubt
You know what fuck it
I'm not gonna be judged by some drunk who's quit
Cause instead I'd rather tell you what I'm all about
I'm like everyone, so I'm not perfect
But I just want to know, was it worth it
Cause everything I do I give my heart n soul
And I promise to never do what you did
Cause your a dick as a whole
And the only way we'll talk is in your dreams that is lucid
You birth a child just to give up on him
And cut your skin
Just because I wasn't you
And I don't think I could be more true
Because you're just an embarrassment
And I know this isn't how my last album went
But a lot of things have changed
And this wasn't arranged
However, me dying
Has given me the motivation I needed
As before I would be crying
But being mistreated
Has made me stronger
And now you're not even worth a dollar
I know you're close to death
And I wanna be the last thought
While you take you're last breath
You hated me, you still hate me
Just because I use everything I've been taught
But you'll never break me, actually you help me
Cause I use the words of my enemies
To win at life by any means necessary
I'll be known as legendary
Where you'll be known as an unknown drunk
Which I know eats you alive
Cause you thought I was gonna be nothing but a punk
But I proved you wrong
Cause I have talent
And this is the only time a song
Will ever be about you, just because your cash was spent
On alcohol
But I'm better than you after all
Cause I have values you don't
I have patience and control of my life
And you won't
So, one last time, I'm back, in plain sight
Am I the greatest rapper, I might
So, I want everyone to remember
Never take anything for granted
And never surrender
Always be you, always be what you wanted
Cause you never now when they could go
So enjoy it while they flow