Suicide

Stuck up in my head again, I think I need medicine
High school when I started coping with the drugs
Growing up because I didn't feel the love
Now I'm filling up, filling up like two cups

Two cups, need another one, dirty it up please
And I had to skip the church back then, cause they tried to preach
But they didn't know me, all they did was judge me
I came from the ugly, all they ever did was tease

And I didn't wanna live, no I didn't wanna breathe
So I overdosed on ten pills, till my nose bleeds
I don't wanna be bothered, so I tell them give me peace
Yeah my phone on DND, text message I don't read

Too busy getting higher, to some heights that I can't reach
And I took that damn knife, and my wrist it really bleed
Moving silent through the night, like this is Assassin's Creed
Now the light fades from my eyes super slowly

And I call myself HOPE, that's H-O-P-E
What that stands for, hold on pain ends
Yeah, when the fuck the pain ends
I don't think it ever ends, no it never does

It is what it is, and it was what it was
And you don't come around, tryna kill my high, don't kill my buzz
And it is what it is, I ain't never had no trust
Only trust in the bucks, it's a thousand ways to die

That's why I gotta pray before I sleep every night
Cause I don't have the answers, and I really don't know why
So I'd rather believe, than to be in hell burning forever
I fell in love one time, I will love her forever

She's got that kind of love, I could never forget her
I told her break up with her man, cause I could treat you better
You like the way, that I talk to you, yeah I get you wetter
I thought that I had died once, but now I just feel deader

You walked inside of my life, and you made everything better
I even was so damn blind, I put you first, put in effort
And now I just don't understand, I fall under pressure
I think this is obsession, I think this is possession

Cause I need control, yeah I need your soul
I think this is depression, I don't understand lessons
So I don't even wanna learn no more
Do the same thing, going insane

Fucking with you, when you fucking with my brain
Suicidal thoughts man, that's not me
That's the fucking devil talking, yeah the demons in me
And he dragged me down to hell, I'm screaming out for help

I'm trying to do my best, but I can't do it by myself
I scream and fucking yell, and nobody can hear me
Yeah, does anybody hear me
Calling out for help, screaming on these songs

Feeling like I should go away, I don't belong