Grandma’s Boyfriend Paul

[JAKE (CHORUS)]
Grandma's got a boyfriend
(Grandma's got a boyfriend)
It's a little weird at first
But then you say it twice
Grandma's got a boyfriend
And I think he's pretty nice
Grandma's got a boyfriend
And her boyfriend's name is Paul
(Grandma's got a boyfriend)

Everyone don't like him
He's almost 88
My aunts say they don't trust him
But me? I think he's great
Grandma's boyfriend Paul
No, they don't like Paul at all
(Grandma's got a boyfriend)

Why does everyone hate Paul?
He ain't kill my grandpa
He don't do nothin' at all
He just reads his mysteries
Yeah, you can solve 'em, Paul
Grandma's boyfriend Paul
(Grandma's got a boyfriend)

I asked Mom, "What's the fuss?"
Grandma's in love again
Mom said, "But Paul, he's always hummin' Gilbert and Sullivan"
That ain't fair to Paul
That he shouldn't hum at all
(He also eats all the cashews)

His son lives down in Maryland
I guess he lost his wife
I should ask, "What's your story, man?"
I bet ol' Paul had quite a life
Grandma's boyfriend Paul
He calls waiters "garcon"
(The fella fought on D-Day)

Grandma brought Paul to our cousin's christenin'
She wore a brooch that Grandpa gave to her before he died
Well, my mom and aunts, hell, they went crazy
They yelled about the brooch 'til Grandma cried
(Don't you make Grandma cry!)
Paul, Lord, he tried to intervene
(No no, Paul, big mistake)
I said, "Paul, listen, this is not your fight"
(Stay out of it Paul)
These women would love a reason to destroy you
(Easily provoked)
They'll scream, "You're not our dad!" at you all night

Hey Mom, I know you miss your dad
Hell, I miss Grandpa too
But it ain't Paul's fault that he's gone
So, what is wrong with you?
Grandma's got a boyfriend
And her boyfriend's name is Paul
Ohhhh! Yeah!
Grandma's got a boyfriend
I really like you, Paul
(Grandma's got a boyfriend)
Grandma's got a boyfriend
I really like you, Paul