Christmas Weight Gain

Boy, I tell you what
I love Christmas but how come
Every time I celebrate the birth
Of the Lord, Jesus, i gotta gain 14 pounds?
That's ridiculous! I put my tree up
At 210 and I'm fitting to
Take it down at 224! That's in
Four days! Four days! Cuatro
For the Spanish folks

Thank God Jesus didn't stretch his birthday
Celebration another week or I'd be
Getting training wheels surgically sewed to
My dadgum muscular hind end!

It never stops with the food i
Done eat pies and cakes and
Cookies and soups and candies and the
Neighbor girl i tell you
Thank God Christmas is over i'd have a heart
Attack struggling with a tapered
Ten-pound Christmas turd

I lovе the Lord Jesus and I'm glad
He was wrappеd in swaddling clothes
And laid in a manger, but Christmas
Ain't good for my nice, muscular
In-shape ass!

I just wish I had willpower i surrendered to
A frosted gingerbread cookie quicker than a
Shirtless Mexican hiding in shrubbery
After a cop
Come at him with flashlights boy
That's good!

Skinny folks say, 'Just don't
Eat late' Well
That's easy for them to say! Good Lord!
Skinny folks is always out on dates
And stuff us fat son of a
Bitches ain't got nothing to
Do but sit home on the couch and watch TV
Eating Teddy Grahams!
Looks like, for my resolution this year
I'm gonna go on that
Diet deal again and if it
Fails like the last 12
Then hello frosted gingerbreads!

Boy, I love food

Git-R-Done