Fat Holiday Relatives

Hey, this is Larry the Cable
Guy and I just got
A little problem about Christmas and
You know what it
Is? Visiting relatives what is it
About visiting holiday relatives that
Make you gain about 20
Pounds over the holidays?
They'd make an Ethiopian loosen his
Pants and take a Tums
Is it because you'd rather
Have a mouthful of
Cake than talk to relatives? As
Soon as you walk
Through the door, it's like
Buffet World in there, it's ridiculous

'Merry Christmas!'
'Shut up and eat this pie
When you're done with that
We got a plate of meatloaf for
Ya and two bags of
Cheetos and a bucket of ice
Cream with chocolate chips and
Hurry up! Eat it! We gotta
Go meet your cousins aftеr
Lunch down there at the bonanza
For thе Christmas buffet'

No wonder all my relatives look like
A herd of hogs good
God! My aunt Debby don't start
Hitting the holiday salad bar
She's gonna explode on Christmas
Day and splatter us
All with half-digested pancakes
And cheese grit's!

The holiday at the relatives' has turned
Into a food and fart fest, it's ridiculous
'Merry Christmas!' (fart)
'What the hell? Hey Uncle Wayde
Pass the finger weiners! Thanks!
Who wants taters?' (fart)
'Grandma!'
'Boy, they's plenty of ham balls!' (fart)
'Eat up! Hey, wash that sandwich down with
A gallon of eggnog!' (fart)
'Boy, what a beautiful Christmas!'
Tell you what next Christmas
I'm gonna stay home and eat a dadgum
Celery stick this is ridiculous git-R-Done