Sticks and Horse Turds

Hi, this is Larry the Cable Guy and I got me a puppy dog for Christmas two years ago. Every Christmas, I think of this puppy dog

This poem, about my puppy dog, is called 'My Dog Likes Sticks and Horse Turds'. Goes like this: *coughs* Sorry, I'm- just breaks me up when I think about it

I spend lots of money on dog food
I think that's so absurd
'cause that ungrateful dadgum dog
Likes eating sticks and horse turds

My dog has fat-free food
It also helps his breath, I heard
But my dog couldn't give a damn
He likes sticks and horse turds

Animal writers say dogs are just like humans
And I think their vision's blurred
'cause I like burgers and fries
My dog likes sticks and horse turds

Dogs don't care about what they eat
Sometimes they'll eat a bird
Give 'em a turkey at Thanksgiving
Dadgum thing'll come back with a horse turd

I like tipping strippers (that's right)
Redheads are preferred
Dogs don't care about naked girls
They're content with sticks and horse turds

God bless sticks and horse turds
My dog's two favorite things
Expensive dog food, he don't need
Unless Alpo makes 'Stick and Horse Turd' feed

Git-R-Done. That's a good poem right there