The Ex-Could-Have-Been Song

I had a crush on this boy one time
He was a bit older, he was a bit fine
But he was a tad flakey and he wasn't all mine
Oh I had a crush on that boy one time

JJ!
Had a thing for this fella uptown
He liked to sing and dance and he'd show me around
The last time I saw him he said 'see ya soon!'
But now I'm all alone just a singin' this tune

Bram!
I had an escapade with this guy abroad
He was a bit older, he was way fine
He drank a lot of liquor and could carry his wine
I think I still like this Belgian man of mine

Libby!
Had a thing for this girl, she could fiddle
Never really knew her, well maybe just a little
I saw her one time on stage, she was singing
And from then on, well my heart was a ringin'

Mariano!
Once kissed a boy on a boat, he was shy
He wasn't very old and he wasn't very smart
He wasn't very tall and he never filled the part
But hey, I saw him lookin' and I knew love was a cookin'

Bob!
Fell in love with a boy from afar
I never even knew him but he left a scar
I never even knew him and I'll never ever show him
Fell in love with a boy named Bob from afar

Stan!
Met one time with this bloke in New York City
He was real smart and he was real pretty
We got along swell but my timing was hell
So I sent a long message cause I knew that I should end it

Jake!
Did some yoga with my friend from New Jersey
Met him at church camp, man what a doozy
He wasn't real tall but I knew he was great
I think I'll always love him, damn this is fate

Lem!
Spent some time with guy that I worked with
He stole some wine and suggested that we drink it
I thought we were pals but he wouldn't let go of my hand
Oh boy, I forgot, he's a man

Dan!
Dated this dude named Dan for a minute
He had long hair and on the 'gram he would kill it
We went to the movies and he chatted me up
Man I think I am done with this stuff

Oliver!
Hated this boy from Ocean City
He played lots of music, it sounded pretty shitty
His hair was dreamy and his eyes did shine
Jesus, I'm glad he never was mine

Will!
Went to dinner with guy from an app
He wasn't real tall, he had lots of fun facts
Didn't say much about himself as a person
But he'd let me know about his health and if it would worsen

David!
Met this Canadian boy on the tube
He was real tall, we had on matching shoes
But when it came time for us to part
Knew we wouldn't make it, boy what a start

Baptiste!
Had some drinks with a boy from France
He was my height and his pants were tight
I didnt wanna answer his text the next day
He decided that I threw him away

Jimmy!
Once liked this guy who came from a berry
He played lots of music, he was kinda hairy
But when it came time to seal the deal
Had to jump ship, this love wasn't real

Had a crush on this boy one time
He was a bit older, he was a bit fine
But he was a tad flakey and he wasn't all mine
Oh I had a crush on that boy one time